Today I saw one blue flower. It was a tiny thing, the first harbinger of spring in my front flower bed –Veronica ‘Georgia Blue’. In a week or so it will be a thatched carpet of blue lying just beside my front walk, greeting all who come to our door.
That one blue flower brought a smile today and a surge of joy that, yes, I am able to see another spring (accent on SEE), and I can still distinguish that Veronica IS blue. I thank God for that privilege that I am still seeing His colorful creation. Ten years ago when I first was told that I am going blind, I didn’t know how long I would be able to continue seeing. Thus, each spring is a gift.
What is remarkable to me is how much I appreciate small things—the tiniest flower, a slender ballpoint pen with an extra fine line, a flash of red on a cardinal at the bird feeder, the flecks of green in my daughter’s eyes, the crinkles in my husband’s smile, and photographs on my i-phone. Each of these is a discovery I have made over the last few months as I have had to face losing more of my vision. As the big picture becomes smaller and the edges blurrier, I have learned to appreciate the little details more. The towering pine tree is lovelier than the forest, the blade of grass finer than a vast expanse of lawn, and the lovely face of a single pansy more fascinating than a swath of garden color.
When I recently had a low vision evaluation, I learned that others with Retinitis Pigmentosa (RP) start writing in a smaller hand as they lose their vision. But, I have always had tiny handwriting. I can fit more words into a small space now than when I was painting flowers on tiny china disks for earrings and selling them at craft fairs to make money for medical school. So, adapting my writing to a shrinking visual field has not been difficult for me.
My older daughter asked me recently, when we were in Midland for the funeral of a friend, why I am taking so many pictures of her and the rest of the family. She looked so cute that day in a new jacket, and I wanted to capture that image and take it home with me. It dawned on me that when I take a photo, the image of someone is then miniaturized so that I am then able to see the whole person! Only by taking the picture could I tell Jenny how cute she looked in her outfit that day, from her cascades of curls framing her face down to her black stilettos.
There are also drawbacks to having blind spots and primarily central vision. I experienced one such handicap when we visited a restaurant in Mobile, Alabama, on a vacation. It was the “home of the throwed rolls” , and, yes, they will throw the rolls at you. Even though I warned the waiter not to throw them at me, he still tossed hot rolls in my direction, and they smacked me in the face!! Awkward! Those same blind spots make it difficult for me to play tennis now, although that was my game back in junior high and high school. I had a mean serve and could cram the ball into the middle of my opponent’s belly as well as anyone on my team. Now, I have trouble even finding the ball, and if I rare back to cram the shot, I am apt to miss it altogether! I have found, however, that I am still quite good with a gun and target shooting! I might consider taking up darts next.
It’s easier to concentrate on a friend’s face too. I don’t find myself distracted by extraneous movements because I mostly see the top half of the person with whom I am speaking and don’t notice other people walking up from the sides. The only problem though is I also won’t notice if someone is sticking out his hand to shake mine, and I am afraid I might be perceived as rude for not shaking what I don’t see!
When I am singing, I think about the words more—the message of the song. One I particularly love is “Blessed Be Your Name”, by Matt Redman:
Blessed Be Your Name
In the land that is plentiful
Where Your streams of abundance flow
Blessed be Your name
Blessed Be Your name
When I'm found in the desert place
Though I walk through the wilderness
Blessed Be Your name
Every blessing You pour out
I'll turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in, Lord
Still I will say
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious name
Blessed be Your name
When the sun's shining down on me
When the world's 'all as it should be'
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be Your name
On the road marked with suffering
Though there's pain in the offering
Blessed be Your name
Every blessing You pour out
I'll turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in, Lord
Still I will say
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious name
You give and take away
You give and take away
My heart will choose to say
Lord, blessed be Your name
The darkness may be closing in on me, but the SON is shining ever brighter. I appreciate Him more each day and see His hand faithfully guiding me. "Lord, blessed be Your name!"
English Standard Version (©2001)
Rejoice not over me, O my enemy; when I fall, I shall rise; when I sit in darkness, the LORD will be a light to me Micah 7:8
Judy
Rejoice not over me, O my enemy; when I fall, I shall rise; when I sit in darkness, the LORD will be a light to me Micah 7:8
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