Pralines

     It is September, and the last few mornings have been cool and mood-lifting, promising the turning of the season and the pecan harvest which often begins later this month.  When the new pecans come on the market, I'm ready to do some baking and candy-making. Fresh pecans just beg to be made into pralines.

     I have a good friend who is a deacon  in his church and loves a tasty praline. He's from the deep South and pronounces the word "praw-lean". I would like to assert, however, that the correct pronunciation is "pray lean". Here is why.

     Pralines are a heavenly concoction of sugar, buttermilk, pecans, and butter that, if prepared correctly, result in an irresistible crunchy caramel confection which, at the same time, retains a creamy, melt-in-your mouth texture.  Sometimes, when I make them, the candy turns out too crunchy and sets up hard, crystallizing on the wax paper. At other times it stays gummy and never quite hardens up, needing to be scraped off of the wax paper with a spatula, resulting in chewy, teeth – locking balls. The outcome depends on the humidity, my timing in taking the boiling pot off the stove, the beating, and then holding  my mouth just so. When all the variables fall into place in my favor, my friend the deacon calls the resulting pralines "sheer perfection".

     Now, back to the reason I think the correct pronunciation should be "pray lean". Every time I make pralines--which isn't very often because the ingredients are expensive and the process tedious--, I pray a little and then lean on the hope that they will turn out perfectly and that I will not have wasted my ingredients on a crumbling mess or a sticky disaster. I think that's probably the attitude that we should have when we pray,  and a praline may remind us of it. Pray, and then lean.
1. Pray

    God tells us to pray. Plain and simple.
"6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. 7 And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Phil. 4:6-7 ESV

2. Lean
 Once we have prayed, we may depend on God, confident in the peace that He promises.  
 Like leaning against a wall and knowing it will support our weight, we  may lean on him. When we draw nearer to him, he comes closer to us.  He's not going to step aside and let us fall when we lean.

"Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you." James 4:8 ESV

 An additional benefit of leaning toward God is learning  that we may depend on him for emotional support as well and talk to Him Assured that he empathizes with us.

" 15 For we do not have a high priest who is unable to empathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet he did not sin. 16 Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need." Hebrews 4:14-16NIV

Whether we are anxious, sad, or joyful, we know that he's listening and that he hears us. 

"This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us."

I John 5:14 NIV

How much clearer could our instructions be? God tells us to pray, says that he hears us, and assures us that he understands our needs. That's a pretty simple recipe, and our success doesn't depend on the relative humidity, the amount of money we spend, or  the posture we take. We may lean on Jesus and his work on the cross, depending on the hope we have in him. Just follow the recipe:  Pray. Lean. (And, remember to say "pray-lean" every time you eat one my southern favorites--the praline!) 

Songs in the Night: Only the Twenty-third Psalm

Songs in the Night: Only the Twenty-third Psalm

#36: Only the Twenty-third Psalm

     Because I have low vision due to  retinitis pigmentosa, I often need a little help, especially when I am in dark or unfamiliar places. In those situations  I use an assistance cane or hold on to the arm of my companion.  I keep a white cane in the coat closet at home, where I may grab it quickly if I need to go out at night,  and a collapsing one in my purse for when I travel. I nearly always carry a small flashlight as well. Nonetheless, there are times when I find myself in a difficult spot without my cane, a companion, or a flashlight, and I often suffer the consequences.

     Oh, the repercussions of walking blindly! Recently, during a rehearsal for a Fourth of July event at which I sang, I needed to walk quickly across the back of the stage area in the dark.   Neglecting to use my cane OR a flashlight, I failed to notice a step, caught my foot, and fell forward headlong, banging my knees and wrenching my back. A kind woman sitting in the back row saw me fall, helped me to my feet, and, sure-footed, with soothing words and strong hands,  guided me in the dark down several steps all the way to my seat where I sank back in relief, trembling and aching. I didn't know until after the rehearsal that it was a dear friend whom I know well that had helped me. I could not see her in that dark place.

     Something else that I know well is Psalm 23. As I saw it in my reading selection this morning, I almost  skipped over it, taking such a familiar Psalm for granted. But, I have been wrong in such an action before, and God has surprised me with unexpected joys in familiar places. In today's reading words and phrases grabbed me and begged deeper attention.  The text, as presented in the English Standard Version of the Bible, spurred me to think more about my painful Independence Day event.

     "The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. He makes me lie down in green pastures. He leads me beside still waters." The literal meaning of this last phrase is "beside waters of rest". 

It brings to mind relaxing on a beach or going to a spa. But, for the present, I think only about the warm, soaking Epsom salt baths that soothe my aching back since I fell. I focus on just the literal meaning of David's words.  This fact reminds me that we are less likely to have deep spiritual insights when we are in the midst of physical pain or need, and I need those "waters of rest."

    "He restores my soul." " Restores"  is an ongoing, present tense, continuous action verb. That means that my soul must need restoring on a regular basis. I'm glad that God doesn't neglect to care for me and that He is ready to restore me every day.
    "He leads me in paths of righteousness (the right paths) for his name's sake." If I will let Him, He will LEAD me in the right path. He will show me the way to go. And, He does it for the sake of His Name--to show that He is Who He says He is.

    Our Lord's character is revealed in his names. His name in this chapter is "Jehovah ROHI", meaning "our shepherd" who tenderly leads us, loves us, and will keep us safe. I am thankful that He leads me even when I don't see where I am going. He leads me even when I don't see  or recognize His face in the dark, just as I did not recognize my friend the night that I fell or realize that she was watching.

    But, He is not only my shepherd; He is also all the other names of God that are revealed in the Bible. Today I  think particularly of "Jehovah Shammah", the "One who is with us everywhere for He is omnipresent" (Ezekiel 48:35) , and "Jehovah Rapha", "the Lord your Physician, the Lord your Healer",  the name God spoke about Himself (Exodus 15:26). (A more extensive list of the names of God and their meanings is found here:

http://www.jollynotes.com/the-names-of-god-and-meanings/)

     Another revelation today in Psalm 23 comes from verse 4. "Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death" actually means "Even though I walk through the valley of deep darkness"! I have learned that particular scripture as a help for someone who is facing a severe illness, death, or grief. However, today I find that it applies to my own situation every day. 

     The sentence does not end there. "Even though I walk through the valley of deep darkness, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me."  How remarkable it is in our digital age to be able to have a question about the wording of a scripture and then have it answered almost instantly by looking it up on a smart phone or iPad and reading multiple commentaries' insights. By consulting these resources, I find that "rod" and "staff" are not interchangeable. From a shepherd's viewpoint, a rod is more of a club or stick with a rounded knob on the end that serves as an extension of the shepherd's arm and may be used as a weapon or as a symbol of strength and power. The staff might be shaped like a crook or hook and is used to draw or guide a sheep to himself or the other sheep, to lift it up off of a dangerous precipice or out of a tangle of thorns, or to direct it to a better place.
     We, as the sheep that we are, need God to be more than merely present in our valleys of darkness. We necessarily need Him to use His rod AND His staff--the rod to remind us of His power and authority so that we might trust Him, and His staff to guide us, to protect us, to pick us up out of dangerous places, to put us back with other sheep, and to draw us nearer to Himself. 

      I may carry a white cane as a necessary assistance device, but the Lord's tools --His rod and His staff--are much more useful and more powerful. They give me a quiet assurance and confident comfort as I travel "the valleys of deep darkness" on my own journey. I am grateful for his rod and his staff.

      I'm also thankful for the second-cup time God gave me today.  (I have written about the "second cup" in earlier blog entries.) To think that I thought it was "only the 23rd Psalm" in my Bible reading today and almost skimmed it!

      Finally, I am grateful for the hand of my friend Carolyn who reached out and helped me in the darkness when I fell. God is a friend like that. I know it not only because He has said it, but also because He has proven it, both in the light of day and in the darkest hours of my life's journey. He was the One who would never leave me or forsake me after my husband left. He was the peace that passes understanding when my son took his own life. 


     "Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you." Deuteronomy 31:6 NIV

     "Do not gloat over me, my enemy! Though I have fallen, I will rise. Though I sit in darkness, the Lord will be my light. " Micah 7:8 NIV


Postscript:
     In the midst of writing this blog entry six weeks ago, we were rocked by the news that a dear friend of our family had taken his own life. We are still mourning his death and aching for his grieving family members. He had to have been in a "valley of deep darkness" at the time. His passing stilled my hand from publishing this blog post until today. I pray that the 23rd Psalm will be a comfort for his friends and family who remain.

#35: To be Faithful, Not Faithless

      I am not a consistent blogger; neither do I regularly write in my journals. I hope that, if my children or loved ones ever read my journals, they will realize that I often write when I am upset--as an outlet for my emotions.  When I go months, or even years, without writing, I may be okay or just interested in something else.  Or, I may be feeling despondent, defeated, and depressed--unable to do it. For those of you reading this blog, I do a lot of writing that  I don't care to share with anyone and which never makes it to this page. As much as I try to live a life of transparency, I am not always able to lay it all out here in the open.
     However, I am trying to be more consistent with my morning quiet time--when I get my cup of tea, sit in my chair, read my Bible, and then write in my prayer journal. Some days I just can't do it. Other days I spend a couple of hours there. I journal, I blog, and I even do some work on a book.  If I do other things before settling down in my chair, I often become consumed by those things--tasks, bills, pet-feeding, weed-pulling, cooking, laundry, etc.
     Today, I want to share something that struck me recently when I was reading James. It has taken me a couple of weeks to be able to clear out the fog in my brain enough to publish this, but no writing, however well-thought out, is perfect. And, God is able to use our imperfections to accomplish His purposes.  So, I'm trusting Him with that.

"For the body apart from the spirit is dead, so also faith without works is dead. " James 2:26 ESV

        Conversely, in order for a body to be living, it must have a spirit. And, in order for faith to be alive, it must have works. I'm thinking about how "works" might be manifested in my own life. How am I living out my faith in my actions? Perhaps going ahead and publishing this blog today is a work of faith.
      Examples of "works" in this chapter in James include giving a brother or a sister food and clothing (verses 14-16).  Although I have participated in that activity, and I see many people giving of their time, talents, labor, and fortunes in the wake of Hurricane Harvey and its destruction, I am not satisfied with giving being  the only evidence of a living faith.
     The next verse follows this example by saying, "So also faith by itself, if it does not have works, is dead." (James 2:17 ) Certainly, I don't want to have dead faith!
      What comes next in verses 18-23 is a description of Abraham being justified by his works because he "offered up his son Isaac on the altar" and showed "that faith was active along with his works, and faith was completed by his works." Furthermore, "Abraham believed God, and it was counted to him as righteousness – – and he was called a friend of God." James 2:23 ESV  What,  exactly, Abraham  believed is explained in Hebrews 11, the book that comes just before James in the New Testament.  It tells us that "Faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen." (v. 1) I don't know that I could have exhibited the sort of faith that Abraham had  as evidenced by the actions that he took.
     Continuing in Hebrew 11, "by faith  we understand that the universe was created by the word of God, so that what is seen is not made out of things that are visible." (v. 2)  This concept is huge and unfathomable  to me. Our current physicists believe that there was a "big bang"  that started the universe. All I know is that God did it. The first verse of Genesis tells me that He did. Hebrews 11:3 tells me that He did.  I have faith that God did it, but I don't know how, and I'm not sure how that faith can be demonstrated in my works, except to continue to take God at His word and believe it.
      Further down in Chapter 11 we read, " without faith it is impossible to please him, for whoever would draw near to God must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who seek him. " (v. 6)
      I seek him by sitting down in the morning in my quiet-time chair, opening my Bible, and  reading his word. By doing so I am participating in a work – – opening the Bible because I believe God inspired it, reading it because I believe that he has something to say to me today, and meditating on what I read so that I may draw near to him and show him that I am seeking him. These are works that demonstrate my faith,
      Verse eight tells us " by faith Abraham obeyed"..." When he was called to go out"..." Not knowing." " By faith he went to live…" " By  faith Abraham… offered up Isaac" (v. 17) because " he considered that God was able even to raise him from the dead ." (v. 19)  Abraham's faith in God was demonstrated in his obedience to God's direction, even when he didn't understand how God's promises could be fulfilled if Isaac died.  He just trusted God and believed that God would keep his word, would fulfill his promises, and would do so in his own way. Perhaps I may be able to relate to Abraham's faith in action.
      When I'm reading God's word, I find guidance for life, sometimes in the form of instructions that make no sense to me, directions that are beyond my ability to understand. If I obey, if I believe even without understanding, if I act on that belief because I am trusting my Lord to work it out, that also is a work. However, reading  it and not believing it enough to act on what God says is an example of "faith without works".
      James 1:22 directs, "But be doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving yourselves."  I am deceiving myself if I act on my own understanding and don't take God's directions to heart. Although I say I have faith, I am not demonstrating it by obedience. This is another example of faith without works.
      As a believer in my early thirties,  I was in a bad marriage and trying to endure it. On the one hand I believed God when he said divorce is wrong and that he hates it. (Malachi 2:16)  But, on the other,  I had needs that were not being met. I was committed to staying married but vulnerable to temptation. The result was that I justified my own sin  while obeying part of God's word and denying other parts. The consequences of my decisions have been ongoing, and I mull over those today on the day of my wedding anniversary of my first marriage.
      It has been twenty-seven years since  that fifteen-year marriage ended, and I still see the repercussions of those decisions being played out in my own life and in the lives of my children. God knew what would happen if I was a hearer of the word and not a doer. He knew what would happen if I picked out only the parts of his word palatable to me, cherry-picking the fruit that was compatible with my tastes and preferences.
      I can visualize Him now, my loving Father, shaking his head and grieving over me and with me, weeping as I weep, yet singing over me, soothing me with his voice of encouragement.
     He  knows I still seek him. He has guided me these twenty-seven years, healed me and shown me his unfailing love, and given me a life more beautiful than I could have ever imagined when I was trying to solve my problems in my own way, with my own understanding.
      I considered suicide twenty-eight years ago when my husband left me. I went into therapy and was hospitalized for treatment of depression. My therapist was a Godsend, and the hospitalization a much needed respite. God was Jehovah-Rophe to me, my healer. He continues to be who he says he is today.
      "The Lord your God is in your midst, a mighty one who will save; he will rejoice over you with gladness; he will quiet you by his love; he will exult over you with loud singing." Zephaniah 3:17 ESV

     I hope by now that my faith is evident in my works, especially in believing God regardless of what He does or doesn't do, regardless of my limited human understanding, regardless of whether I get my way or not, regardless of whether his word agrees with my current opinion or not, REGARDLESS.

Songs in the Night: I'm Just a Person

Songs in the Night: I'm Just a Person

#34: I'm Just a Person

I am a person--just a person like anyone else--an imperfect person who has made mistakes, who has hurt people, who has failed others, who has made wrong decisions, who has screwed up. That's me. I have done all those things. And, as a person, I have cried, felt guilty, had remorse , been angry, experienced disappointments, been abused, suffered both pain and grief, become bitter and resentful, and taken my feelings out on others. Yes, that's me too.

But, I am something else.

I am a Christian. A Christian is an imperfect person who has made mistakes, who has hurt people, who has failed others, who has made wrong decisions, who has screwed up. 

Both a person and a Christian--a Christian person. 

The reason I am a Christian is because I discovered that Jesus was also a person who lived in this same place that we do--was hurt, deceived, rejected, scorned, laughed at, mocked,  abused, and ultimately killed. He experienced joy, friendship, grief, anger, disappointment, rejection, betrayal, agony, pain, and even death-- the same feelings and experiences that all of us go through as we walk this earth. But,  his reaction to all the insults that were hurled at him, to all the disbelief, to all the resentment, to the lies, to the ignorance, and to the betrayal  was to love, was to have compassion, was to forgive, was to heal. While he was here, he taught us, he loved us, he was patient with us.  

We have the story of how he lived and what he said and the promises he gave us in a book called The Bible. In it we learn that He sacrificed himself for me and for you by dying on a cross so that you and I could have, not just salvation, not just heaven, but a relationship with him every day and a way to live this life, while we are on this earth,  with freedom and joy and peace . And, He wants to be our friend. He wants to be our family. He loves me. And, he loves you. 

The way I became a Christian is by realizing that I am not perfect, that I have screwed up, and that I want something different. I want the freedom and joy in living that Christ teaches about. He said, 

"The thief comes only in order to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have and enjoy life, and have it in abundance [to the full, till it overflows]. John 10:10AMP

I found that the way to get that kind of life is to believe  that Jesus is who He says He is, to ask Him for forgiveness for the things I have done (and often still DO) wrong, and then to ask Him to help me to do them differently. That's just a prayer, directed to the person Jesus, asking Him to come into my life and change me. 

He's right there, ready to listen, when we ask him:

"Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with that person, and they with me."

Rev 3:20 NIV

You may think that kind of freedom and acceptance won't work for you.  Well, it did, and it does, for me. God says,

“I am the Lord, the God of all mankind. Is anything too hard for me?”

— Jeremiah 32:27

I decided to believe Him and Take Him at His word.

“For this is how God loved the world: He gave his one and only Son, so that everyone who believes in him will not perish but have eternal life." John 3:16 NLT

I am writing this today so that you may know, undoubtedly, where I stand and what I believe. I stand with Jesus, my friend, my Savior, my brother. My Lord. He gives me peace and purpose and joy. I love Him, and I want more of Him every single day. 

New Living Translation

"For I am not ashamed of this Good News about Christ. It is the power of God at work, saving everyone who believes--the Jew first and also the Gentile." Romans 1:16

#33: First Cup, Second Cup (Part Two)

"Let me hear in the morning of your steadfast love, for in you I trust. Make me know the way I should go, for to you I lift up my soul."

Psalm 143:8 ESV

    In my last blog entry, I began writing about my thoughts on "second cup"--that rare bonus time of the day when  I get to enjoy a fresh cup of tea as well as fresh insights during my quiet time with God. If I am fortunate enough to have the luxury of that second cup, it is a relaxing and renewing time, when I breathe more deeply and pray more fervently. On a good day, it's also when I listen more quietly. It doesn't happen every day, but, when it does, I am grateful for it.
      As I was writing that blog entry, God was allowing me to see that cup of tea and that time more metaphorically--not only as a literal cup of tea that I sometimes get to enjoy in the mornings with the birds and the Lord, but also as a symbol for this period in my life. It has taken me awhile to mull over this idea, as evidenced by the two weeks that have transpired since my last entry.

     This is a time of transitions for our family--sort of a second chapter. Our youngest child was graduated from her university  recently, and we no longer have college bills to pay. Hallelujah! I saw an ad for a back-to-school sale and realized it doesn't apply to us. And, for the first time since 1981, there is no need to plan our family calendar around those dates delineated by the school calendar. How different this is from all my years of actively "mothering".
     Our loved ones don't seem to need us in the same ways they have in the past. For example, our parenting role, though not over, certainly is changing in its function. Our children no longer need us in the way they used to. They are all grown and have their own lives to lead. My aging parents need us at times, but they remain independent. I am grateful that we get to spend time with them. What a source of wise counsel they are to us!
      Even our living arrangements have changed. My husband works in Austin, yet I work in Tyler. Since we work in different places, we maintain two homes while trying to spend as much time together as we can. We would like to be able to spend more time in the same place--together!  Although we love our homes, we are challenged by their upkeep.  Frankly, we need to downsize.   While I still continue to practice medicine, I also actively serve on a governing board in Austin. One or the other of us is on the road traveling between the two places nearly every weekend.
     Our lives, however, are not solely about work and responsibilities. We want time for rest and for creativity. We also want to visit all our children and grandchildren whenever we can, and those grandchildren live far away. Although we would love to spend more time with friends, we find it difficult to do so since we are not in the same place at the same time for very long. Those who know me well would affirm that I would rather be singing, no matter where I am. The frequent traveling often precludes that. My suitcase is nearly always out. I unpack and wash the things from my last trip, only to be preparing and packing my clothes for the next.
      I find myself wondering what God has in store for us during this part of our lives. It seems awfully chaotic for me to make any sense of it. I can't help but wonder, "Where are we going with this, Lord?"  Above all, we want to be in the place that He wants, doing what He desires of us. Fortunately for us, we don't need to "lean on our own understanding". Perhaps He is preparing us for our "second cup". 

      I think about the beautiful old song, "Fill My Cup, Lord", and how I've sung it many times:

"Fill my cup, Lord.

I lift it up,Lord.

Come and quench this thirsting of my soul.

Bread of Heaven,

Feed me 'til I want no more.

Fill my cup.

Fill it up,

And make me whole."

      God has filled my cup. He has quenched my thirst and fed me with the bread of life. I have been satisfied with Jesus. But, instead of that being my only cup, I am realizing that finishing a "first cup" may mean there is now room for a second. God is able and wanting to fill it. He's offering us a second helping.  

      We don't know where God is directing us, but we do know that He is. God has a second cup for us – – the second chapter during which he wants us to be active and fruitful. 

Lord, here is my cup. I'm holding it out to you.

" For you, O Lord, are my hope, my trust, O Lord, from my youth. Upon you I have leaned from before my birth; you are He who took me from my mother's womb. My praise is continually of you."

"My mouth is filled with your praise, and with your glory all the day. Do not cast me off in the time of old age; forsake me not when my strength is spent."

"But I will hope continually and will praise you yet more and more. My mouth will tell of your righteous acts, of your deeds of salvation all the day, for their number is past my knowledge.

With the mighty deeds of the Lord God I will come; I will remind them of your righteousness, yours alone. O God, from my youth you have taught me, and I still proclaim your wondrous deeds. So even to old age and gray hairs, O God, do not forsake me, until I proclaim your might to another generation, your power to all those to come."

"You who have made me see many troubles and calamities will revive me again; from the depths of the earth you will bring me up again. You will increase my greatness and comfort me again. I will also praise you with the harp for your faithfulness, oh my God; I will sing praises to you with the lyre, oh holy one of Israel. My lips will shout for joy, when I sing praises to you; my soul also, which you have redeemed. And my tongue will talk of your righteous help all the day long."

Psalm 71: 5-6, 8-9, 14-18, 20-24. ESV

     

#32: First Cup, Second Cup (Part One)

    I usually start my day with a cup of tea. I try, though I am not always able, to do my Bible reading soon after waking up in the morning also. First, I do the boring, but familiar, mundane rituals: I go to the bathroom, brush my teeth, take medication, put on my robe and slippers, then go to the kitchen to make a cup of tea. This will be "first cup".

     While, in my morning stupor, I am waiting for the tea to brew, I clumsily tidy up in the kitchen – – emptying the dishwasher or loading it, wiping off the counters, and opening the blinds to let the sunshine pour into my breakfast nook. Bright light is an essential part of getting going in the morning for me. I then remove the teabag from my cup, add the milk  and sugar to my tea, wipe up the inevitable spill on the counter, turn off the kitchen light, and gingerly (hoping not to spill) make my way back to my bedroom to my quiet-time chair where I am able  to open my Bible while I savor my first cup. This is the simple daily routine that prepares me for my time with God.

     "First cup" typically involves reading five Psalms, one chapter of Proverbs, and whatever section of the New Testament I'm currently in. (When I finish the New Testament,  I plan to start over in the Old.) During "first cup" I read, underline passages that speak to me, write notes in the margins of my journaling ESV Bible, and record  favorite scriptures on cards that I keep near my chair. If I have time, I also write in my prayer journal where I make notes about the date, time, and place, my prayer requests, the requests of others, answered prayer, and thankful praises. Usually, by the time I do this, I have finished my first cup of tea, and I have to get busy, get dressed, and ready myself to face the day. I don't always finish what I hoped to do during "first cup", and it ends up being my only cup and sometimes even just a half-cup!

     The temperature of my tea often gauges the attentiveness I have toward making the "first cup" be for my time in the Word. If I let it get cold, it is usually because I have done too many little tasks before getting back to my quiet-time chair. I am distracted and have made myself busy before I stopped to be quiet. I have to make sure that my priority is God-book, not Facebook, and leave my smart phone on silent--elsewhere, where it is plugged into its charger and not demanding my attention. I need to plug-in to my Charger before I look at the phone.

     There is sometimes a blessed interval in  the morning when I have already read my Bible and am anticipating settling down with a second cup of tea to listen to God and focus on writing in my journal the practical application of what I have read.  It is after I do other tasks necessary to get the day started and only on days I don't have to go in to the office. It is when I am able to return to my quiet place for more--more tea and more of what God has for me. 

     Today, I didn't think I would be able to have that second cup because I had an appointment with my trainer to work out at the gym. However, she cancelled because her son is sick. Instead of bemoaning the time I didn't have to stretch out my sore muscles, I gladly settled down with my second cup after letting out and feeding the dog, sorting and starting a load of laundry, washing more dishes in the sink, and answering one call from my secretary and another from a physician's office. Whew.

     Now I sit here, guiltily relieved that I don't have to exercise, feeling privileged to sit sipping my second cup of tea, listening to His still, quiet voice, and writing in my journal. It is a sacred time, a place of refuge and renewal, a portion of peace that I don't often get. The more I ponder about this second cup, the more I realize that there is more to say about it. I will save that for next time.

"Gladden the soul of your servant, for to you, O Lord, do I lift up my soul. For you, O Lord, are good and forgiving, abounding in steadfast love to all who call upon you. Give ear, O Lord, to my prayer; listen to my plea for grace. In the day of my trouble I call upon you,  for you answer me."

Psalm 86:4-7

"Teach me your way, O Lord, that I may walk in your truth; unite my heart to fear your name. I give thanks to you, O Lord my God, with my whole heart, and I will glorify your name forever. For great is your steadfast love toward me; you have delivered my soul from the depths of Sheol."

Psalm 86: 11-13

"Nevertheless, I am continually with you; you hold my right hand. You guide me with your counsel, and afterward you will receive me to glory. Whom have I in heaven but you? And there is nothing on earth that I desire besides you. My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.  For behold, those who are far from you shall perish; you put an end to everyone who is unfaithful to you. But for me it is good to be near God; I have made the Lord God my refuge that may tell of all your works." Psalm 73:23-28

#31: Relationship Idolatry

What follows is a story I shared in the context of teaching a Bible study on forgiveness and relationships. Even in the midst of losing an important relationship, God may be able to teach us something so that we may draw nearer to him.

"Thou shalt have no other gods before me." Exodus 20:3
"No one can serve two masters; for either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will hold to one and despise the other. You cannot serve God and mammon." Matthew 6:24

Susan married a man whom she considered better than herself. She had poor self-esteem from her childhood, and wrong decisions in her young adult life made it even worse. When she found someone whom she considered "good" who loved her, she based her worth on his opinion of her.
She married the man and trusted him implicitly, believing everything he said about life, principles, and even God and the Bible. She put him on a pedestal. Then, when he left her after several years of marriage, Susan was shattered to the point of feeling suicidal. Susan had made her husband her idol; she valued his opinion more than God's.
Idolatry is like spiritual adultery; it is loving someone or something more than God. God says Susan is forgiven for whatever she has done wrong, but her husband, by rejecting her, showed unforgiveness. Susan, therefore, did not feel truly forgiven. Her husband's rejection would not have been so devastating had she not put him in God's place in her life. If her husband, knowing everything about her, rejected her, then how could God truly accept her? Obviously, her self image was based more on what her husband thought of her than what God thought of her.
When another person is given the position that only God should have in our lives, many things can happen. When Susan idealized her husband, she put an unbearable burden on him. She subconsciously expected him to be godlike – – perfect, incapable of failure, able to know and fulfill her every need. He was her all in all – – husband, father, and even savior. No human can withstand those types of expectations; he is a failure just by being human. Being someone else's everything is too much pressure.
If you have allowed the rejection of another to shake your faith, to separate you from God, to deeply damage your own self image, then perhaps you have placed that person above God in your life. Tell God about it; ask him to reveal to you His truth.

Prayer:
Lord, I confess that I have been guilty of idolatry, that I have put someone or something else ahead of You. I ask You to forgive me and to take first place in my life. I accept what You say that I am: fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14) and precious in Your sight. Father, take away any hidden idols in my home or in my life – – anything that would keep my loyalty from You or stand in the way of our relationship. Thank You for revealing these blind spots in my life and for cleansing me from all unrighteousness. (I John 1:9)



- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Songs in the Night: The Promise of Winter Wheat

Songs in the Night: The Promise of Winter Wheat:      I love the green blush of winter wheat tinging a dull brown field in cold January. I start thinking of seeds and growing things, young...

#30: The Promise of Winter Wheat

     I love the green blush of winter wheat tinging a dull brown field in cold January. I start thinking of seeds and growing things, young calves and earthy smells. Glancing across a highway-side field of tender sprouts, I smile as I recall my grandparents' farms of forty years ago in Baylor County, Texas--memories evoking thoughts of farmhouse Christmases with family bunched around an oilcloth-covered wooden table in a sun-splashed kitchen, and through the window the expanse of a field of winter wheat spanning the nearly mile-long stretch from sheet-metal roofed house and barns to river--a broad green carpet on a frosty day.
    I recall the two-mile drive out onto the gravel road, past the mailbox and over the hill to the highway and tiny community crossroads where,  in my mind's eye,  I turn the corner by the cotton gin and pull up to the pick-up crowded parking lot of a white-washed country church surrounded by those fields of green. Inside, the pews are filled with the faithful, familiar faces of Red Springs--many who have known me since my infancy and prayed for me and my family through the struggles of the years. I may not recall their names,  but their faces are dear; they hug me, shake my hand, and pat my cheeks.  Our family crowds into a pew towards the front on the left side  with a view out the window to the fields. I can't picture that pew without seeing my grandma there and my aunt at the piano playing the hymns up front. The worshipers are faithful, though the season is cold and unfruitful. The green fields bring forth a sigh of hope for a future spring.
     When I spent my first northern winter isolated from family in sub-zero Iowa in a drafty old house with a new baby, Grandma wrote to me about her crops and cows and plans for the spring, including news about her church and our family. A daughter of a preacher/farmer, a daily Bible reader, and a widow, she lived alone on her farm from her early sixties and battled diabetes with twice daily insulin injections, but it was she who encouraged me when I felt sorry for myself--she with her  description of twin calves frolicking in the field of winter wheat and her plowing her garden in preparation for spring planting. She reminded me of my blessings and told me to focus on my priorities and day to day responsibilities and let God handle the rest. Precious are those practical, time-worn letters and the memory of my Godly, wise grandma conveying her word-pictures of the winter wheat.

   The rolling green gives way to roadside drabness as I drive, but my thoughts continue pondering the promise of the winter wheat. Not only is it January outside, but I am experiencing a winter of sorts in my life circumstances and a dullness in my spirit. The fresh green of the field sets my heart to pondering, and so I write.

     Wikipedia informs me that winter wheat actually requires the cold months to be able to head out in the next season.(1)  Without thirty to sixty days of the dreary days of winter, the plants won't undergo "vernalization" and make grain! Those tender green sprouts are a promise of the golden wheat in the summer, of warmth  and harvest, of new life; but, the growth comes after those months of chill, and the golden grain after the waiting.

     Perhaps I am like the winter wheat and am undergoing "vernalization" in this season of waiting and enduring. Yet, I must not wish this time away, because doing so might sacrifice the fruit of the harvest later on. It is a time for me to be still, read God's Word, worship Him,  and let my roots grow deep. Like my grandma and the faithful saints in the country church, I need to get my thoughts off of myself and my circumstances and look out the window to see the bigger picture, and to trust that God sees the biggest picture and knows what He is doing.

    When my son died, someone gave me a framed scripture passage which I keep at my office on a wall where I see it frequently:

" For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven:

2 a time to be born, and a time to die;
a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted;
3 a time to kill, and a time to heal;
a time to break down, and a time to build up;
4 a time to weep, and a time to laugh;
a time to mourn, and a time to dance;
5 a time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together;
a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;
6 a time to seek, and a time to lose;
a time to keep, and a time to cast away;
7 a time to tear, and a time to sew;
a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
8 a time to love, and a time to hate;
a time for war, and a time for peace." 

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8, English Standard Version (ESV)

       This season, this time, is for a length and purpose of God's choosing. I need to trust Him with it and have faith that He will accomplish His purpose. Two verses later in this passage, the writer continues,
 "11 He has made everything beautiful in its time. Also, he has put eternity into man's heart, yet so that he cannot find out what God has done from the beginning to the end."   I may not know in my lifetime what business God is about, but I know He is about His business, and He will make it beautiful.

     An agricultural website tells me that winter wheat is useful for grazing,  for enriching the soil, for weed and pest and control, and for a cash crop. (2) Once harvested it is a high-protein, nutritious grain. I see none of that value now while traveling down the highway watching the fields or as I regard my current state of mind.  But, for now, the sight of winter wheat rests my eyes, elicits fond memories, and reminds me both of the wisdom and faith of my grandmother and the sovereignty of my Lord.
 
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"As long as the earth endures, seedtime and harvest, cold and heat, summer and winter, day and night will never cease." Genesis 8:22 NIV

(1) http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Winter_wheat
(2)  http://www.sare.org/Learning-Center/Books/Managing-Cover-Crops-Profitably-3rd-Edition/Text-Version/Nonlegume-Cover-Crops/Winter-Wheat

#29: Two Vases and a Teacup

     How the years have flown by! As I approach Mother's Day, I sit at home alone today, putting off the list of chores I need to do and remembering the childhood days of my children.

      I  bought my older daughter a pretty crystal bud vase for Mother's Day this year. And, when doing so, I remembered that she at one time gave me a beautiful little blue and white speckled vase in which I could put the wildflowers that she so lovingly gathered and brought to me clutched in her hands. That vase has grown more precious through the years and serves as a vessel in which I  put delicate,  lovely, thin-stemmed flowering sprigs in the spring. 

     My younger daughter fashioned a vase for me from a slender jar, some wire, and multicolored glass beads. That bud vase is also dear to me, and I look for it, especially when I want it to hold a single lovely flower. There have been many days that I have carried it to the office with me to set on my desk where I can share a beautiful flower with my patients.

      I realized today , as I watched the rain drops streaming down outside my window and noticed the drooping flower petals in my garden, that it's not the flowers I treasure so much as the vessels into which I put them. Those vases have become symbols of who my daughters are as persons. The blue one is a simple, round-bodied clay vase textured with raised white dots. The daughter who gave it enjoys having a very simple home with clean lines and a modern touch. She abhors junk-drawers and messy closets and is much more of a minimalist than  I. The blue reminds me of her beautiful eyes and of how they sparkled when she gave me the vase. I see her eyes now as she sings to her children and lovingly snuggles them in her lap as she reads stories to them. The vase is a symbol of her because it holds good and lovely things, just as my daughter does. She embodies the lovely, giving spirit of a sweet young mother. She is so beautiful to me as I watch the way she devotes herself to her husband and children and lives out her faith in Christ in daily, sacrificial ways.

     The vase that my younger daughter made is also uniquely representative of her. The colorful beads catch the sunlight, and the wire is twisted around the glass in such an artistic free-form manner. She is so much like the vase--it a work of multifaceted artistry , and she a  free-spirited artist herself-- a young woman of many interests with a sparkling personality. When I add lemon-lime soda to the water to preserve fresh flowers, the fizziness again reminds me of this daughter; her personality is effervescent.

     Both daughters are the bearers of good things--of beauty and freshness,  of life--a fragrance of God's creation and Presence within them. I'm thankful today for those daughters and for the vases that remind me of them. But what about my son and the "teacup" in the title of this blog entry?

     My son and his gift are not forgotten. I don't see him in a bud vase, but I do in the teacup he gave me when he was a little boy. It is a simple white mug bearing a multicolored rainbow heart with this inscription above  it:  "May your day be filled with love". I think of him every time I drink from that cup and realize that this cup is a symbol of him. He was a very loving child and wore his heart on his sleeve. Even today,  he is loving, generous, and sensitive. I value that teacup, but I treasure the son who gave it to me. And, when I read the words on the cup, I realize that my days ARE filled with love--the love of children, a family, my friends, my church, and--most of all--my Savior, Who loved me enough to become a child-vessel of God Himself, lived out His very human life among us, suffered as we do, was betrayed and abandoned as we are, and was broken as He sacrificed Himself so that we might have new life, forgiveness for our sins, joy in each day, and hope.

     I am thankful this Mother's Day weekend for the gifts from my children but much more thankful for the givers themselves. They are a reflection of the Giver of all good things. They are God's gifts to me and to His world. I see Him in them. 

"Children are a gift from the LORD; they are a reward from him."

Psalm 127: 3 (New Living Translation)

  “Whatever is good and perfect comes down to us from God our Father, who created all the lights in the heavens.  He never changes or casts a shifting shadow.” James 1:17 (NLT)

 "In the sight of God, who gives life to everything..."  I Timothy 6:13a

Songs in the Night: The Untended Garden

Songs in the Night: The Untended Garden:       I started my garden early this year, in spite of my gardening friend's warning never to put out my tomato plants before Easter. S...

#28: The Untended Garden

     I started my garden early this year, in spite of my gardening friend's warning never to put out my tomato plants before Easter. She was right. I lost some pepper, tomato, and eggplant seedlings to late freezes, and my cucumbers were stunted and never quite recovered. However, I persisted in putting out tomatoes and even planted some late peas, which produced abundantly due to our cooler than average spring.
     Because of this cool spring, my tomatoes were just coming into full production as we were leaving for our two-week summer vacation. I had picked a couple of good pots of green beans also. I encouraged friends to come by and pick whatever they wanted while I was away. Perhaps they did, because there were no tomatoes left, other than wormy, rotten ones, and the green beans were all gone when I returned. The squash had succumbed to the squash bugs, the cucumbers had dried up, and weeds had overtaken the dried-up peas. I even had trouble locating my pepper plants amidst the tangle of weeds that had taken over in my absence. Even my herbs had flowered and lost their pungency as a result of neglect. There was little garden left to tend, and the change had taken hold in such a short time!
     Yet, I knew that I had not cared for this year's garden as well as I had others in the past. My time was divided for the first six weeks of summer because we had workmen in our house redoing cabinets and drawers and doing repair work. We also lost two huge trees that fell during one of our spring storms, and I had to tend to their removal. I was distracted from tending my garden and kept up only the minimum care of it before ultimately leaving on a two-week trip to Nova Scotia. What did I expect to happen? Did I think that it would miraculously take care of itself in my absence? That it would set and bear fruit for me?
     My first thought when I returned home and walked out to my overgrown garden was that it  was a picture of a spiritual lesson. That early garden had been a result of my work and care--the preparing of the soil; the planting and watering of seeds; the weed-pulling, pest-preventing,  pinching, and pruning; and even the protection from the elements when the frosts threatened. This late garden was the result of my not working--my neglect.
     I intended for that garden to bear fruit, and lots of it. I had my mouth all ready to enjoy weeks of tangy, sweet, juicy homegrown tomatoes; crispy, cool cucumbers; yellow straight-neck, zucchini, and pattypan squash; and crunchy green beans. Yet, the only fruit left was blighted by disease, stung or infested with insects, or choked by weeds. None was fit to eat.
     With disgust and despair, I walked away from that garden and virtually ignored it for the rest of the summer, occasionally venturing out to see if I could find a few jalapenos or bell peppers that seemed to keep producing even in the massive overgrowth of grass and weeds. But, for the most part, I gave up on this year's garden.
       God created man and woman and put them in a garden. Again and again in scripture God uses agricultural references to teach us about the Christian life. What was He saying to me through the ruin of my garden? What was my take-home lesson? At mid-summer I wasn't even sure I wanted to know. But, now that fall has come, I am ready to learn.

First, gardens are meant to be tended.

" The LORD God took the man and put him in the Garden of Eden to work it…" Genesis 2:15

     Generally I am a pretty good gardener.I learned at the side of my grandmothers and my mother, and I benefited from the produce of their wonderful gardens. I go out almost daily to check for bugs and weeds and to see if my garden is getting ample water or if it needs to be fertilized.  But, God is a much better gardener than I.
     God tends His garden as He sees fit. Jesus tells us that He is actually the vine, and we are branches of that vine.

“I am the true vine, and My Father is the vinedresser. Every branch in Me that does not bear fruit He takes away; and every branch that bears fruit He prunes, that it may bear more fruit.”  John 15:1-2 (NKJV)

     When God talks of His garden and His care of it, He is talking about taking care of us, His people. Through His attention to us, we grow and thrive.


  " He will be like a tree firmly planted by streams of water, Which yields its fruit in its season And its leaf does not wither; And in whatever he does, he prospers."
 Psalm 1:3 New American Standard Bible

     God's word is like food and water for the seed, and He will cause His garden to flourish and bear fruit.

 "As the rain and snow come down from heaven, and do not return to it without watering the earth and making it bud and flourish, so that it yields seed for the sower and bread for the eater, so is my word that goes out from my mouth: It will not return to me empty, but will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it." Isaiah 55:10-11

     When I looked at the neglected shamble of a garden in my back yard this summer, I realized that I had been too preoccupied with the business of life to tend to it and bring about the result I had hoped for. And, I wondered what God, as the Master Gardener, had been hoping for me during this time. He sends me His living water, His word, His spiritual food. I, however, had been neglecting to receive it. The spectacle of my neglected garden was a metaphor for my untended soul. I could feel the dryness, the lack of growth, the spiritual thirst in this branch of the vine.
     Fortunately, the specter of my untended garden was a jolt to my sensibilities. I knew that God was speaking to me. I finally decided to listen. No matter how stressed or busy I am, no matter how many times I am unable to attend my Bible study class or my church worship services, I can still find ways to connect to the Vine, to drink of the Living Water, and to ask for restoration. So, I consciously sought out a Bible study this fall to challenge me to stay in the Word. Even when I haven't been able to attend due to other obligations, I have an assignment to complete. The lessons forced me into the Word.  I have started  listening to digital Christian books  when I travel or to streaming Christian programs on my smart phone, and I found an old box of books by one of my favorite Christian authors of the last century in my mother's barn that I am rereading. I am up to book number 22 by that author now. And, every time that I am able to attend worship services or choir practices, I do. 
     I am now feeling more refreshed and renewed, and, like the leaves of a drooping plant finally given a refreshing drink of cool water, I can feel myself unfurling, stretching, and reaching out for more.
     One of the reasons we plant a garden, I think, is because we have the Spirit of the Living Lord within us. We yearn to be like our Creator. He loves to see us grow, and our own gardens give us pleasure as well. But, at present, it is more important for me to tend to the garden of my soul than to my withered, sun-parched herbs. Thus, I have dug up the dead plants, pulled out the weeds, and prepared the soil for another season. The ground will lie fallow for this fall and winter, but my inward garden will not. I thank God that he doesn't give up on us and that He holds onto our hand even when we get distracted and tend to loosen our grip. And, I can depend on Him because He is the life that is in me. 

"For a day in Your courts is better than a thousand outside. I would rather stand at the threshold of the house of my God than dwell in the tents of wickedness. For the Lord God is a sun and a shield; the Lord gives grace and glory; no good thing does  He withhold from those who walk uprightly. O Lord of hosts, how blessed is the man who trusts in You!" Psalm 84: 10-12

     God will be both my sun and my protection when I seek him. As long as I stay connected to Him and consistently seek His face, I thrive. I will be like the tree planted by the stream of water. 

     I thank you, God, that even in the autumn, when the season is cooling and the leaves are falling, that you bring new growth to my spirit and pour into my life your grace and love.