Tuesday, January 24, 2012
Monday, January 23, 2012
#23 Letting Go and Moving On: God's Special Delivery
I have started writing several times since Thanksgiving but didn't seem to have the drive to finish a single blog. If you, kind reader, have read my blogs in the past, you will know I am seldom short on words. Lately, though, I have been pregnant with thoughts but unable to deliver in text--until now.
It's odd at times how a particular theme emerges in different places at the same time. For me, this new year is one of expectancy. It is pregnant with change. Our daughter has started her last semester of high school and expects to graduate this spring. In the fall she plans to leave for college, and we will have an empty nest. For the first time in thirty-six years, I will not be actively mothering a child in my home! How will I do that? What am I to do with myself? I will miss her so very much.
I work in a field where I help people deal with change. Too much change in someone's life, too much stress, and he is likely to become ill. That illness might be depression or cancer or something else, but stress weakens a body's immunity. There is treatment for depression, and it might include medication, therapy, lifestyle changes, and other things. It won't work, however, if the patient refuses to use the tools and the treatment that she is given.
I visited with such a woman only recently. She is desperate to be rid of her pain and to change her circumstances in life, but she is not desperate enough to do what is necessary to get better. She won't use much of the counsel she has been given, is inconsistent with attending therapy sessions, and only half-heartedly takes her medication. She's not made the lifestyle and diet changes that have been recommended to her. Additionally, she refuses to let go of the past and remove herself from destructive relationships in her current life. She languishes in lethargy and is stuck in the mire that is partly of her own making. Only by using the tools that have been given to her and by letting go will she be able to take hold of healing and the future that God has in store for her.
I felt frustrated myself as I came home after work that day and prepared to travel to a meeting where I would be helping to develop educational materials for physicians. What would it take to be able to get this patient, and others like her, to see her situation differently, to see it from God's perspective? How could I persuade her to lay down her burden, to empty her pockets of the bitterness and insecurities that are weighing her down, and to open her arms to receive the lifeline that God is offering her? I didn't have a good answer for myself, and, having decided that a good shake or a whack upside the head was not a compassionate option for a Psychiatrist, I talked instead to my husband and to my God, Who is, after all, the Great Healer and Changer of hearts. I was able to let it go for a few days and to get ready for my weekend travel.
Developing a new educational module for physicians involves exhaustive review of the scientific literature on the topic, a collaborative meeting of the panel designing the module, and composition and review of the content. As so often happens, I learned several new things from my study of the articles in our review of the subject of physician fatigue. The material intrigued me and dismayed some of the others at our meeting., as much will have to be done before the culture of medicine changes to address the problem of fatigue in health-care workers.
You may not be aware that physicians in training have very strenuous schedules and have historically stayed up every other or every third night to be "on call" in the hospitals where they work. For me, at Baylor Hospital twenty years ago, call was every third night. That meant working thirty-six hours at a time, with twelve hours off after that shift, another twelve on and twelve off, then a repeat of the thirty-six hour shift. It was exhausting for me and difficult for both me and my family. It was after that internship year that my husband left, and I became the single parent of three children.
Because of the high incidence of medical errors, the high rate of motor vehicle fatalities, and the risk of injury to themselves and to patients after physicians have worked extended shifts, guidelines have been put into place that now limit the amount of time that resident physicians may continually be on duty. However, no such limits exist for physicians already out of training and in practice. They still run the risk of decreased mental alertness, more medical errors, and worsening health problems if they practice in a constant state of fatigue.
What I learned in my research is that those who work the night shift are not just sleep-deprived and fatigued. They also suffer an increased risk of heart disease, obesity, diabetes, cancer, and even miscarriage. The artificial light at night affects the human system in such a way that it suppresses melatonin production, increases cortisol, and even suppresses the appetite-suppressing hormone leptin. Thus, those who work night shifts are fatter, sicker, and more stressed than those who work the day shift! I had always wondered why so many of the employees in the hospital in the middle of the night were obese and had erroneously assumed that perhaps they chose the night shift to hide from the world. Now I know that working during the night, when our normal circadian rhythm tells us we should be asleep, contributes to weight gain and subsequent health problems! I wonder what effect the dissemination of this research information will have on those who work night shifts and develop health problems. Will they take the initiative to use the information as motivation for change, choose to work a day-shift, and improve their health?
I also wonder how many of us keep trying to work during the night instead of in the light of day spiritually? Could we be spiritually sick because of it? I think so.
After my meeting with the physicians, I boarded a plane for Houston where I met my married daughter and attended a conference taught by Beth Moore over the weekend. The meeting was for those who had participated in Bible memory over the last year as part of a group called "Siestas". Beth spoke from 2 John and talked to us about how we may lose what we have worked for. She cited 2 John 8, which reads,
"Watch yourselves, that you might not lose what we have accomplished, but that you may receive a full reward."
Beth explained that the way to get back, or to prevent losing, ground in our Christian life is to walk in the light we are given by God and to abide in His presence. 2 John 6 states, "And this is love, that we walk according to His commandments. This is the commandment, just as you have heard from the beginning, that you should walk in it." Beth emphasized that "walk" here means " to abide". Abiding, however, is not just standing still. Neither is it moving backward or running ahead, says Beth. We are not to live in the past and hold onto it or to rush impulsively ahead of God. Instead, we are to walk with Him.
"And your ears shall hear a word behind you, saying, “This is the way, walk in it,” when you turn to the right or when you turn to the left." Isaiah 30:21 ESV
Strangely, though I know with God there are no coincidences, some of the scripture I learned this year for Siesta Scripture Memory were about walking with the Lord. For me, I take these verses to be about both my physical dependence on God to guide me, because of my vision problem, and also about my spiritual journey with Him.
"For Thou dost light my lamp;
the Lord my God illuminates my darkness.
For by Thee I can run upon a troop,
and by my God, I can leap over a wall.
As for God, His way is blameless;
The word of the Lord is tried;
He is a shield to all who take refuge in Him.
For Who is God, but the Lord?
And Who is a Rock, except our God?
The God Who girds me with strength
and makes my way blameless,
He makes my feet like hinds' feet,
and sets me upon high places.
He trains my hands for battle,
so that my arms can bend a bow of bronze.
Thou hast also given me the shield of Thy salvation,
and Thy right hand upholds me,
and Thy gentleness makes me great.
Thou dost enlarge my steps under me,
and my feet have not slipped."
Psalm 18:28-36
That word was affirmed to me this morning as I listened to our guest preacher, Jim Dennison, speak about living the Spirit-filled life. He spoke of Ephesians 5:18, which commands us to be filled with the Spirit, and also about Pentecost, as described in Acts, where those present saw the magnificent power of the Holy Spirit, and thousands came to know Jesus. Jim noted that to be filled with the Spirit of God, we must receive Him in salvation, daily depend on God's guidance and strength, be cleansed from anything that hinders the Spirit, and continually ask God to control and empower us. He also pointed out that our relationship with God is our everything, not just a hobby.
Even our Bible study class this morning impressed upon me the message that God was telling me through the commonality of my week's experiences. Our study was from 1 Samuel 1 where the story of Hannah, one of Elkanah's two wives, is told. Although Hannah was loved, she had no children, while the other wife Peninnah had several children and "provoked" Hannah until she wept. "So it was year after year, when Hannah went up to the Lord's house, Peninnah provoked her; so she wept and did not eat." (v 7, AMP) Her husband set aside double portions of meat for Hannah, yet she would not eat. He asked her why she was weeping, why she didn't eat, and why she was downhearted. 1 Samuel 1:10 states, "In bitterness of soul Hannah wept much and prayed to the Lord." Verse 12 tells us that she "kept on praying", and, in her prayers, she promised God that if she conceived, she would give the child to Him. She was eventually noticed, while praying silently, by Eli, the priest, who initially thought she was drunk. He, however, learned the truth from Hannah's own lips: "I am a woman oppressed in spirit"..."I have poured out my soul before the Lord." (v.15). Eli tells her, "Go in peace; and may the God of Israel grant your petition that you have asked of Him." (v 17) Having laid her burden down, Hannah left, ate, "and her face was no longer sad." (v. 18) The next morning she worshiped the Lord. After she returned home to Ramah, Hannah's prayer was answered, as she became pregnant with Samuel, who went on to become the last judge of Israel and to prepare the way for their first king, Saul.
The story of Hannah reminds me of the patient I saw recently. She too wants something to change in her life. Yet, she is unwilling to let go of her past and release her bitterness. She holds on to relationships that are destructive out of her fear of being alone. Because her heart and hands are already filled with things of no value, there is no room for God to put something else in those places. How can He fill a heart already full of bitterness? How can He put a new, God-given relationship into the hand holding on to an ungodly one?
As a Psychiatrist, I think that Hannah was most likely depressed. She was grieved over not being able to bear children. Her refusal to eat meat may have added to her depression, as the body needs the amino acids in protein in order to manufacture neurotransmitters. Hannah's malnourishment most likely contributed to her infertility as well. It is well-known that those with eating disorders or who are underweight may stop having menstrual periods and ovulating. They become unable to conceive as their bodies are trying to conserve energy for survival. I myself need about fifty to sixty grams of protein daily, as calculated for my body type, and that is equivalent to eight ounces of meat. To get that same amount of protein from beans, I would need to eat five measuring cups full--over a quart! Fortunately, I eat meat regularly, and neither malnutrition nor infertility has been my particular burden. I do, however, feel compassion for those who are not able to bear children of their own.
My compassion for Hannah, however, only goes so far. She is portrayed as a poor, pitiful thing in some of the writings about her--a victim of scorn and verbal abuse from the other, fruitful wife. But, perhaps Hannah became her own victim, as a consequence of some of her choices. Her husband, Elkanah, loved Hannah. He was also a Godly man, who "would go up from his city yearly to worship and to sacrifice to the Lord of hosts in Shiloh.." (v 3) He worried about Hannah and suggested to her that she eat, and Hannah refused. She didn't listen to the counsel of her husband. When he invited her to talk about her problems, his questions went unanswered. Instead, Hannah remained in misery for years. Yet, Hannah finally did eat and drink at Shiloh (the place of worship), prayed to the Lord there, and unburdened her heart to the priest. It was only when she obeyed the wishes of her husband (whom God gave her as protector and counsel), and after she made her request to the Lord and shared her grief with the priest that Hannah got better and was able to bear children.
Yes, "the Lord remembered her" (v. 19), but Hannah also remembered the Lord. After years of bitterness and weeping, she decided to submit to the wish of her husband and to eat. She decided to go to Shiloh and worship God, in spite of her circumstances. And, she not only prayed to God, she "continued praying". She was finally able to leave her bitterness at the temple and accept the peace Eli pronounced to her. He made her no promises, yet she left the temple with "her face no longer sad." She was healed, spiritually and physically, when she let go of what was hindering her.
What do we need to let go of? As discovered in our research for the educational module, some of our physicians and hospitals are holding on to the old way of training physicians. They want to keep the residents and interns on duty for extended periods of time in spite of the evidence that such practices are potentially dangerous to both the physicians and their patients. The doctors in established practices want to continue their custom of taking call for an entire weekend and then presenting for work on Monday in a state of fatigue, when all the evidence points to a need to change the old ways. Even choosing not to work a night shift, and, instead, working during the daytime could help some health-care workers who have developed the health problems associated with bright light exposure at night. They just have to choose to live their lives differently, to let go of a destructive way of doing things, and to take hold of a more healthful lifestyle.
What, I wonder, do I need to let go of and leave with God? Am I holding on to these last few months of having my daughter at home while dreading the days ahead when she will be gone? Am I scared of not having her to call on when I need help in the darkness? Yes, I have to admit these feelings. Yet, might I let go of the old role of "active mothering" so that I may take hold of what God has in store for me? Might I live each day in the present, instead of borrowing grief from the future? Am I able to trust God for His help and allow Him to "be a light to me"? (Micah 7:8). I believe He will help me to do just that.
Though I will miss my daughter terribly, I am anticipating the freedom this fall of going out any night of the week that I choose--even on a school night. What a concept! We might even decide, on the spur of the moment, to go away for the weekend, and we won't need to think of who will watch the kids! Maybe we will take up ballroom dancing again., or bird-watching, or skydiving! Who knows?
I think I know the answer to that, and I need to trust Him--to walk on with Him through this year and the next. Like Hannah after she let go of her bitterness and put her future in God's hands, the year is pregnant with possibilities, holding the promise of change. I am looking forward now to God's special delivery.
It's odd at times how a particular theme emerges in different places at the same time. For me, this new year is one of expectancy. It is pregnant with change. Our daughter has started her last semester of high school and expects to graduate this spring. In the fall she plans to leave for college, and we will have an empty nest. For the first time in thirty-six years, I will not be actively mothering a child in my home! How will I do that? What am I to do with myself? I will miss her so very much.
I work in a field where I help people deal with change. Too much change in someone's life, too much stress, and he is likely to become ill. That illness might be depression or cancer or something else, but stress weakens a body's immunity. There is treatment for depression, and it might include medication, therapy, lifestyle changes, and other things. It won't work, however, if the patient refuses to use the tools and the treatment that she is given.
I visited with such a woman only recently. She is desperate to be rid of her pain and to change her circumstances in life, but she is not desperate enough to do what is necessary to get better. She won't use much of the counsel she has been given, is inconsistent with attending therapy sessions, and only half-heartedly takes her medication. She's not made the lifestyle and diet changes that have been recommended to her. Additionally, she refuses to let go of the past and remove herself from destructive relationships in her current life. She languishes in lethargy and is stuck in the mire that is partly of her own making. Only by using the tools that have been given to her and by letting go will she be able to take hold of healing and the future that God has in store for her.
I felt frustrated myself as I came home after work that day and prepared to travel to a meeting where I would be helping to develop educational materials for physicians. What would it take to be able to get this patient, and others like her, to see her situation differently, to see it from God's perspective? How could I persuade her to lay down her burden, to empty her pockets of the bitterness and insecurities that are weighing her down, and to open her arms to receive the lifeline that God is offering her? I didn't have a good answer for myself, and, having decided that a good shake or a whack upside the head was not a compassionate option for a Psychiatrist, I talked instead to my husband and to my God, Who is, after all, the Great Healer and Changer of hearts. I was able to let it go for a few days and to get ready for my weekend travel.
Developing a new educational module for physicians involves exhaustive review of the scientific literature on the topic, a collaborative meeting of the panel designing the module, and composition and review of the content. As so often happens, I learned several new things from my study of the articles in our review of the subject of physician fatigue. The material intrigued me and dismayed some of the others at our meeting., as much will have to be done before the culture of medicine changes to address the problem of fatigue in health-care workers.
You may not be aware that physicians in training have very strenuous schedules and have historically stayed up every other or every third night to be "on call" in the hospitals where they work. For me, at Baylor Hospital twenty years ago, call was every third night. That meant working thirty-six hours at a time, with twelve hours off after that shift, another twelve on and twelve off, then a repeat of the thirty-six hour shift. It was exhausting for me and difficult for both me and my family. It was after that internship year that my husband left, and I became the single parent of three children.
Because of the high incidence of medical errors, the high rate of motor vehicle fatalities, and the risk of injury to themselves and to patients after physicians have worked extended shifts, guidelines have been put into place that now limit the amount of time that resident physicians may continually be on duty. However, no such limits exist for physicians already out of training and in practice. They still run the risk of decreased mental alertness, more medical errors, and worsening health problems if they practice in a constant state of fatigue.
What I learned in my research is that those who work the night shift are not just sleep-deprived and fatigued. They also suffer an increased risk of heart disease, obesity, diabetes, cancer, and even miscarriage. The artificial light at night affects the human system in such a way that it suppresses melatonin production, increases cortisol, and even suppresses the appetite-suppressing hormone leptin. Thus, those who work night shifts are fatter, sicker, and more stressed than those who work the day shift! I had always wondered why so many of the employees in the hospital in the middle of the night were obese and had erroneously assumed that perhaps they chose the night shift to hide from the world. Now I know that working during the night, when our normal circadian rhythm tells us we should be asleep, contributes to weight gain and subsequent health problems! I wonder what effect the dissemination of this research information will have on those who work night shifts and develop health problems. Will they take the initiative to use the information as motivation for change, choose to work a day-shift, and improve their health?
I also wonder how many of us keep trying to work during the night instead of in the light of day spiritually? Could we be spiritually sick because of it? I think so.
After my meeting with the physicians, I boarded a plane for Houston where I met my married daughter and attended a conference taught by Beth Moore over the weekend. The meeting was for those who had participated in Bible memory over the last year as part of a group called "Siestas". Beth spoke from 2 John and talked to us about how we may lose what we have worked for. She cited 2 John 8, which reads,
"Watch yourselves, that you might not lose what we have accomplished, but that you may receive a full reward."
Beth explained that the way to get back, or to prevent losing, ground in our Christian life is to walk in the light we are given by God and to abide in His presence. 2 John 6 states, "And this is love, that we walk according to His commandments. This is the commandment, just as you have heard from the beginning, that you should walk in it." Beth emphasized that "walk" here means " to abide". Abiding, however, is not just standing still. Neither is it moving backward or running ahead, says Beth. We are not to live in the past and hold onto it or to rush impulsively ahead of God. Instead, we are to walk with Him.
"And your ears shall hear a word behind you, saying, “This is the way, walk in it,” when you turn to the right or when you turn to the left." Isaiah 30:21 ESV
Strangely, though I know with God there are no coincidences, some of the scripture I learned this year for Siesta Scripture Memory were about walking with the Lord. For me, I take these verses to be about both my physical dependence on God to guide me, because of my vision problem, and also about my spiritual journey with Him.
"For Thou dost light my lamp;
the Lord my God illuminates my darkness.
For by Thee I can run upon a troop,
and by my God, I can leap over a wall.
As for God, His way is blameless;
The word of the Lord is tried;
He is a shield to all who take refuge in Him.
For Who is God, but the Lord?
And Who is a Rock, except our God?
The God Who girds me with strength
and makes my way blameless,
He makes my feet like hinds' feet,
and sets me upon high places.
He trains my hands for battle,
so that my arms can bend a bow of bronze.
Thou hast also given me the shield of Thy salvation,
and Thy right hand upholds me,
and Thy gentleness makes me great.
Thou dost enlarge my steps under me,
and my feet have not slipped."
Psalm 18:28-36
That word was affirmed to me this morning as I listened to our guest preacher, Jim Dennison, speak about living the Spirit-filled life. He spoke of Ephesians 5:18, which commands us to be filled with the Spirit, and also about Pentecost, as described in Acts, where those present saw the magnificent power of the Holy Spirit, and thousands came to know Jesus. Jim noted that to be filled with the Spirit of God, we must receive Him in salvation, daily depend on God's guidance and strength, be cleansed from anything that hinders the Spirit, and continually ask God to control and empower us. He also pointed out that our relationship with God is our everything, not just a hobby.
Even our Bible study class this morning impressed upon me the message that God was telling me through the commonality of my week's experiences. Our study was from 1 Samuel 1 where the story of Hannah, one of Elkanah's two wives, is told. Although Hannah was loved, she had no children, while the other wife Peninnah had several children and "provoked" Hannah until she wept. "So it was year after year, when Hannah went up to the Lord's house, Peninnah provoked her; so she wept and did not eat." (v 7, AMP) Her husband set aside double portions of meat for Hannah, yet she would not eat. He asked her why she was weeping, why she didn't eat, and why she was downhearted. 1 Samuel 1:10 states, "In bitterness of soul Hannah wept much and prayed to the Lord." Verse 12 tells us that she "kept on praying", and, in her prayers, she promised God that if she conceived, she would give the child to Him. She was eventually noticed, while praying silently, by Eli, the priest, who initially thought she was drunk. He, however, learned the truth from Hannah's own lips: "I am a woman oppressed in spirit"..."I have poured out my soul before the Lord." (v.15). Eli tells her, "Go in peace; and may the God of Israel grant your petition that you have asked of Him." (v 17) Having laid her burden down, Hannah left, ate, "and her face was no longer sad." (v. 18) The next morning she worshiped the Lord. After she returned home to Ramah, Hannah's prayer was answered, as she became pregnant with Samuel, who went on to become the last judge of Israel and to prepare the way for their first king, Saul.
The story of Hannah reminds me of the patient I saw recently. She too wants something to change in her life. Yet, she is unwilling to let go of her past and release her bitterness. She holds on to relationships that are destructive out of her fear of being alone. Because her heart and hands are already filled with things of no value, there is no room for God to put something else in those places. How can He fill a heart already full of bitterness? How can He put a new, God-given relationship into the hand holding on to an ungodly one?
As a Psychiatrist, I think that Hannah was most likely depressed. She was grieved over not being able to bear children. Her refusal to eat meat may have added to her depression, as the body needs the amino acids in protein in order to manufacture neurotransmitters. Hannah's malnourishment most likely contributed to her infertility as well. It is well-known that those with eating disorders or who are underweight may stop having menstrual periods and ovulating. They become unable to conceive as their bodies are trying to conserve energy for survival. I myself need about fifty to sixty grams of protein daily, as calculated for my body type, and that is equivalent to eight ounces of meat. To get that same amount of protein from beans, I would need to eat five measuring cups full--over a quart! Fortunately, I eat meat regularly, and neither malnutrition nor infertility has been my particular burden. I do, however, feel compassion for those who are not able to bear children of their own.
My compassion for Hannah, however, only goes so far. She is portrayed as a poor, pitiful thing in some of the writings about her--a victim of scorn and verbal abuse from the other, fruitful wife. But, perhaps Hannah became her own victim, as a consequence of some of her choices. Her husband, Elkanah, loved Hannah. He was also a Godly man, who "would go up from his city yearly to worship and to sacrifice to the Lord of hosts in Shiloh.." (v 3) He worried about Hannah and suggested to her that she eat, and Hannah refused. She didn't listen to the counsel of her husband. When he invited her to talk about her problems, his questions went unanswered. Instead, Hannah remained in misery for years. Yet, Hannah finally did eat and drink at Shiloh (the place of worship), prayed to the Lord there, and unburdened her heart to the priest. It was only when she obeyed the wishes of her husband (whom God gave her as protector and counsel), and after she made her request to the Lord and shared her grief with the priest that Hannah got better and was able to bear children.
Yes, "the Lord remembered her" (v. 19), but Hannah also remembered the Lord. After years of bitterness and weeping, she decided to submit to the wish of her husband and to eat. She decided to go to Shiloh and worship God, in spite of her circumstances. And, she not only prayed to God, she "continued praying". She was finally able to leave her bitterness at the temple and accept the peace Eli pronounced to her. He made her no promises, yet she left the temple with "her face no longer sad." She was healed, spiritually and physically, when she let go of what was hindering her.
What do we need to let go of? As discovered in our research for the educational module, some of our physicians and hospitals are holding on to the old way of training physicians. They want to keep the residents and interns on duty for extended periods of time in spite of the evidence that such practices are potentially dangerous to both the physicians and their patients. The doctors in established practices want to continue their custom of taking call for an entire weekend and then presenting for work on Monday in a state of fatigue, when all the evidence points to a need to change the old ways. Even choosing not to work a night shift, and, instead, working during the daytime could help some health-care workers who have developed the health problems associated with bright light exposure at night. They just have to choose to live their lives differently, to let go of a destructive way of doing things, and to take hold of a more healthful lifestyle.
What, I wonder, do I need to let go of and leave with God? Am I holding on to these last few months of having my daughter at home while dreading the days ahead when she will be gone? Am I scared of not having her to call on when I need help in the darkness? Yes, I have to admit these feelings. Yet, might I let go of the old role of "active mothering" so that I may take hold of what God has in store for me? Might I live each day in the present, instead of borrowing grief from the future? Am I able to trust God for His help and allow Him to "be a light to me"? (Micah 7:8). I believe He will help me to do just that.
Though I will miss my daughter terribly, I am anticipating the freedom this fall of going out any night of the week that I choose--even on a school night. What a concept! We might even decide, on the spur of the moment, to go away for the weekend, and we won't need to think of who will watch the kids! Maybe we will take up ballroom dancing again., or bird-watching, or skydiving! Who knows?
I think I know the answer to that, and I need to trust Him--to walk on with Him through this year and the next. Like Hannah after she let go of her bitterness and put her future in God's hands, the year is pregnant with possibilities, holding the promise of change. I am looking forward now to God's special delivery.
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
#22 A "Sacrifice of Thanksgiving"
When I am not involved in a structured Bible study, I often return to reading one chapter of Proverbs and five from Psalms daily, according to the date. The Psalms for today are 106-110, and the Proverb is chapter 22. Today's Psalm 106 struck me as appropriate for my Thanksgiving week and, perhaps, yours too. It begins as follows:
In my own life I have been guilty of the same failures: I didn't understand why bad things happened in my life--divorce, illness, death, abuse--and I railed against my Heavenly Father, demanding an explanation, saying "I just don't understand." God's persistent reply has been "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and don't lean on your own understanding." (Proverbs 3:5). When bad times came, I often "did not remember" God's kindness and mistakenly believed that He had turned into a punitive, harsh, and bullying Father Who was punishing me for the bad behavior of my family or myself. Consequently, I committed and justified rebellious acts against God, just as the Israelites did (v 7). The consequences of my own behavior still linger, like ever widening circles in a pond after a stone is thrown into it.
My behavior, my mistakes, and my rebellion, however, are not too difficult for God.
"Nevertheless, He saved them for the sake of His name, that He might make His power known." Psalm 106:8
"Praise the Lord! Oh give thanks to the Lord, for He is good;
For His lovingkindness is everlasting.
Who can speak of the mighty deeds of the Lord,
Or can show forth all His praise?
How blessed are those who keep justice,
Who practice righteousness at all times!" Psalm 106:1-4
Hmmm. Woe is me if I stop right there after verse 4 in the Psalm. How wonderful (read with a hint of sarcasm) for those who" keep justice" and "practice righteousness at all times" (whoever that may be), but that group doesn't include me! The psalmist follows with "remember me, O Lord" and "visit me with thy salvation" because he admits in verse 6, "We have sinned like our fathers. We have committed iniquity, we have behaved wickedly." Now, that's a group with whom I can identify. David admits that his people "did not understand Thy wonders", "did not remember Thine abundant kindnesses", and "rebelled" (v. 7).In my own life I have been guilty of the same failures: I didn't understand why bad things happened in my life--divorce, illness, death, abuse--and I railed against my Heavenly Father, demanding an explanation, saying "I just don't understand." God's persistent reply has been "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and don't lean on your own understanding." (Proverbs 3:5). When bad times came, I often "did not remember" God's kindness and mistakenly believed that He had turned into a punitive, harsh, and bullying Father Who was punishing me for the bad behavior of my family or myself. Consequently, I committed and justified rebellious acts against God, just as the Israelites did (v 7). The consequences of my own behavior still linger, like ever widening circles in a pond after a stone is thrown into it.
My behavior, my mistakes, and my rebellion, however, are not too difficult for God.
"Nevertheless, He saved them for the sake of His name, that He might make His power known." Psalm 106:8
He saved the Israelites, and He saved me. But the Psalm doesn't end in verse 8. David continues with a litany of Israel's sins and God's responses to them. What God did or allowed is printed in blue, and Israel's actions are printed in red:
God rebuked the Red Sea, dried it up, led them through, saved them from those who hated them, redeemed them from their enemy, and killed all among the enemy.
The Israelites believed His words, sang His praise, then quickly forgot His works, didn't wait for His counsel, craved intensely,and tempted God.
He gave them their request and sent a disease.
They became envious of Moses & Aaron.
The earth swallowed up some, and a fire consumed the wicked.
They made a calf as an idol and worshiped it and forgot God their Savior.
God said He would destroy them.
Moses "stood in the breach before Him."
God turned away His wrath
They despised the pleasant land, did not believe His word, grumbled, didn't listen to God's voice. God said He would cast them down and scatter them.
They joined themselves to Baal-peor and ate sacrifices to the dead.
God became angry. A plague broke out. Phineas interceded for the people.
The plague stopped, and Phineas' prayer was "reckoned to him for righteousness, to all generations forever." They provoked God at Meriba and rebelled against His Spirit. Moses spoke rashly.
God was provoked.
It went hard with Moses
God told them to destroy the enemy.
They did not destroy the enemy, mingled with them, learned their practices, served their idols, were trapped, sacrificed their children to demons, and shed the innocent blood of their children that they sacrificed to the idols of Canaan. The land was polluted, the people became unclean, and they played the harlot in their deeds. The Lord became angry, He abhorred His inheritance, and He gave them over to the nations who hated them.
Their enemies oppressed them, and they were subdued. They were rebellious and sank in their iniquity. God saw their distress, heard their cry, remembered His covenant, relented according to the greatness of His lovingkindness, and made them objects of compassion.
David prayed to God to save them, to gather them so that they could give thanks to God and give Him praise. He said, "Blessed be the Lord. the God of Israel, from everlasting even to everlasting. Let all the people say, "Amen ." Praise the Lord!"
In essence, David called the people to gather and to give God thanks.
In my life I have been much like the Israelites--fickle, short-sighted, quick to act, and slow to remember God's promises, His faithfulness, and His past acts of kindness. The words in red could be a listing of my own sins and, indeed, the sins of our nation.
"We have sinned like our fathers,
WE have committed iniquity, we have behaved wickedly.
Our fathers in Egypt did not understand Thy wonders,
They did not remember Thine abundant kindnesses,
But rebelled by the sea, at the Red Sea." Psalm 106:6-7
May Psalm 106 be a wake-up call to me personally and to others who may read it today. May we ask ourselves these questions:
How have we exchanged the Glory of our God for our own selfish desires? (verse 20)
Have we "stood in the breach" before God for others and for our nation? Have we "stood up and interposed"? (verses 23, 30)
Have we "mingled with the nations, learned their practices, served their idols, and thus sacrificed our sons and daughters to the demons?" (verses 35-37)
Have we shed innocent blood? (verse 38)
Have we "become unclean in our practices"? (verse 39)
Are we guilty of the same spiritual infidelity the Israelites exhibited?
When I answer these questions honestly, I become sad and experience conviction in my spirit. The world is a terribly dark place, and all seems lost. We are an ungrateful nation that is traveling the same bleak road as the Israelites did before us, and the outcome does not look promising. Therefore, may we all use this week to ask God to forgive us both for the things we have done wrong and for the things we have failed to do. May we determine that we will not go blindly any further down the road of despair or give way, in helpless and hopeless submission, -- a dying nation living in the shadow of a gleeful enemy. May we as Christians not retreat and hide. Instead, may we read on and find in the next passage, Psalm 107, our song in the night:
"Oh give thanks to the Lord, for He is good; for His lovingkindness is everlasting. Let the redeemed of the Lord say so, Whom He has redeemed from the hand of the adversary." (v. 1-2)
"Their soul fainted within them. Then they cried out to the Lord in their trouble; He delivered them out of their distresses." (v.5-6)
"Let them give thanks to the Lord for His lovingkindness, and for His wonders to the sons of men! For He has satisfied the thirsty soul, and the hungry soul He has filled with what is good." (v. 8-9)
"There were those who dwelt in darkness and in the shadow of death, prisoners in misery and chains, because they had rebelled against the words of God, and spurned the counsel of the Most High." (v. 10)...
"Then they cried out to the Lord in their trouble; He saved them out of their distresses. He brought them out of darkness and the shadow of death and broke their bands apart." (v. 13-14)
(Praise God! He did this for me.)
"He sent His word and healed them, and delivered them from their destructions." (v.20)
So, here then is my instruction from God:
"Let them give thanks to the Lord for His lovingkindness, and for His wonders to the sons of men! Let them also offer sacrifices of thanksgiving, and tell of His works with joyful singing." (v. 21-22)
I will remember His lovingkindness! I will offer Him the sacrifice of thanksgiving! I thank Him both for bringing us through trials as well as sparing us from what we deserve. We serve a great and mighty God Who is ever faithful. Let us acknowledge that we need Him!
"He sets the needy securely on high away from affliction, and makes his families like a flock. The upright see it, and are glad; but all unrighteousness shuts its mouth. Who is wise? Let him give heed to these things; and consider the lovingkindnesses of the Lord." Psalm 107:41-43
May you all be blessed with God's presence this Thanksgiving, and may you remember HIM as the source of all that is good in our lives.
Tuesday, November 1, 2011
Songs in the Night: #21 Believing Thomas
Songs in the Night: #21 Believing Thomas: When one hears the name "Thomas", he easily associates it with the Biblical disciple named Thomas. Unfortunately for those named Thoma...
Monday, October 31, 2011
#21 Believing Thomas
When one hears the name "Thomas", he easily associates it with the Biblical disciple named Thomas. Unfortunately for those named Thomas, people also associate a consistent adjective with the name--"doubting". Just as Judas and Benedict Arnold have become synonymous with "traitor" and are used as substitute nouns for that word, and "good" is forever linked with "Samaritan", so "doubting Thomas" has become a noun in itself. It is my hope that by reading this "song", you may see that disciple Thomas gave us much more than the notion of doubting and realize that we are the richer for having known this disciple and his relationship with Jesus.
I have a son named "Thomas", but I gave him that name for several reasons, none of which is its association with "doubting." First, we named him after our pastor at the time of Thomas' birth, Thomas Nesbitt. Tom counseled us and provided the spiritual leadership that has continued to sustain and guide me even at this point in my life, despite his position as my church home pastor for only three years. His influence helped to change my life for the better, and I am grateful for Tom's investment in our lives.
Secondly, my Thomas was named after my grandfather, Thomas F. Glover, who was a respected County Attorney all the years I was growing up and who represented the stabilizing force on my dad's side of the family. When things fell apart, he was the glue that put them back together. Although many of his actions served to enable my father's drinking and addictive behaviors, my grandfather was motivated by love. He consistently stayed devoted to his family in spite of having sons that disappointed him, and he never abandoned his responsibilities of husband, father, and community leader. Thirty-five years after his passing, my grandfather is still remembered in his community as a respectable and honorable man.
Finally, I named my son after the disciple Thomas, not because the disciple doubted, but because he was a loyal follower of Jesus, believed in the Lord Jesus, and went on to be a leader in spreading the gospel of Christ.
Thomas was not present when Christ appeared to the rest of the disciples after His resurrection in John 20:19-23. Jesus spoke peace to them, "showed them his hands and his side," commissioned them to spread the gospel, and breathed on them to "receive the Holy Spirit." Thomas missed out on that important visit and the gifts that were given there. But, Jesus loved Thomas enough to return at another time and to give Thomas an opportunity to believe in Him.
Those who were present at Christ's appearing went to tell Thomas that they had "seen the Lord" (John 20:25), but Thomas replied, "Unless I see the wounds from the nails in his hands, and put my finger into the wounds from the nails, and put my hand into his side, I will never believe it!" Thomas was probably just as scared as the rest of the disciples had been after Jesus' arrest and crucifixion, and he too was most likely disappointed and confused. He relied on what he could see and feel to believe. Without seeing for himself, he decided he would not believe. His eight days of disappointment and loss of faith were probably agonizing for him. Jesus could have left Thomas in that unbelieving state, but He did not. He did not have to schedule a repeat visit with the disciples to convince them of His resurrection or to give them the Holy Spirit or to reiterate His plan of sending them out to preach. However, He did return, and He came back for Thomas.
"Eight days later the disciples were again together in the house, and Thomas was with them. Although the doors were locked, Jesus came and stood among them and said, "Peace be with you!" Then he said to Thomas, "Put your finger here, and examine my hands. Extend your hand and put it into my side. Do not continue in your unbelief, but believe." Thomas replied to him, " My Lord and my God!"" John 20:26-28
Jesus cared enough about Thomas that He planned a special visit to him, appeared amidst the disciples even though the doors were locked, and went straight to Thomas and showed him the scars of the wounds that were given Him on the cross. This was evidence that demanded a verdict. When Jesus asked Thomas to believe, he responded by calling Jesus both his Lord and his God: "My Lord and my God!" More than believing that Christ was God, Thomas was saying to Jesus, "You are now also Lord of my life."
"What a divine revelation doubting Thomas had been given! He went instantly from disbelief in a resurrected Savior to certain knowledge that Jesus was not only alive but that He was also Lord and God. When confronted with the living truth, all doubts fled. The darkness of the tomb gave way to the Light of the World!"(1)
Thomas had already demonstrated his loyalty to Christ in John 11 when Jesus decided to return to Judea because He had heard that His friend Lazarus was sick. The disciples warned Jesus that He was in danger of being stoned if He returned to Judea, but Jesus decided to go anyway. Thomas replied, "Let us go too, so that we may die with him" (v. 16), indicating his loyalty to Jesus and his willingness to die with his friend rather than to be apart from him. Thomas was being a leader among the disciples and stepping up both to obey Jesus (Who had said, "Let us go to him") and to stand with Him in difficult circumstances. Jesus faced both grief, having told the disciples that his friend Lazarus had just died (v. 14), and possible death, having previously been threatened with death in Judea.
In John 14:1-8 Jesus tells us that He is "going away to make ready a place for you." Thomas had already demonstrated that he was willing to face death to be with Jesus, and he didn't understand where Jesus was "going." Thomas asked, "Lord, we don't know where you are going. How can we know the way?" Jesus responded in a way that not only answered Thomas' question but also speaks to us and to every other person who seeks to know God. "I am the way, and the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me. If you have known me, you will know my Father too." (v 6-7) Jesus made it clear to Thomas and makes it clear for us today that He is the only way to reach God.
So many of us are like Thomas --fiercely loyal to the things we can see and prove with our senses, or by the "scientific method." Yet, when faced with difficult circumstances, we sometimes doubt God and wonder if He is still there, still in control of the world, still worthy of our devotion. Thomas must have been grieving deeply over the death of Jesus and the betrayal of his friend and fellow disciple Judas after Christ's death on the cross. Whom could he trust after these losses? Why should he believe the word of his fellow disciples after they claimed to have seen Jesus? Tenderhearted, loyal Thomas was not about to be be hurt or betrayed again. So, Christ took the time to appear to Thomas personally. Because of what Christ did for Thomas, we can surmise that He takes a personal interest in each one of us as well. We have Thomas to thank for showing us loyalty to Christ and leadership among frightened friends, for asking questions of Jesus when he didn't understand, for believing in the resurrection of Christ, and for then following Him and making Him Lord of his life.
Thomas went on to demonstrate his submission to Christ by obeying His commission to preach the gospel in other places.
"Jesus did not hold Thomas' doubts against him. Instead He addressed those doubts and proved Himself to be faithful to the man He had called as one of His chosen. Christ then empowered Thomas to accomplish the tasks He set before him. Thomas is believed to have become the only apostle who went outside the Roman Empire to preach and teach the gospel. He also crossed the largest area which included Persia and India. Tradition tells us that he was a Martyr and was killed by a group of sages near Mylapore about 72 AD when he was thrown into a pit and pierced by a spear." (2)
1. http://www.helium.com/items/1519758-doubting-thomas
2. http://www.helium.com/items/1519758-doubting-thomas?page=2
I have a son named "Thomas", but I gave him that name for several reasons, none of which is its association with "doubting." First, we named him after our pastor at the time of Thomas' birth, Thomas Nesbitt. Tom counseled us and provided the spiritual leadership that has continued to sustain and guide me even at this point in my life, despite his position as my church home pastor for only three years. His influence helped to change my life for the better, and I am grateful for Tom's investment in our lives.
Secondly, my Thomas was named after my grandfather, Thomas F. Glover, who was a respected County Attorney all the years I was growing up and who represented the stabilizing force on my dad's side of the family. When things fell apart, he was the glue that put them back together. Although many of his actions served to enable my father's drinking and addictive behaviors, my grandfather was motivated by love. He consistently stayed devoted to his family in spite of having sons that disappointed him, and he never abandoned his responsibilities of husband, father, and community leader. Thirty-five years after his passing, my grandfather is still remembered in his community as a respectable and honorable man.
Finally, I named my son after the disciple Thomas, not because the disciple doubted, but because he was a loyal follower of Jesus, believed in the Lord Jesus, and went on to be a leader in spreading the gospel of Christ.
Thomas was not present when Christ appeared to the rest of the disciples after His resurrection in John 20:19-23. Jesus spoke peace to them, "showed them his hands and his side," commissioned them to spread the gospel, and breathed on them to "receive the Holy Spirit." Thomas missed out on that important visit and the gifts that were given there. But, Jesus loved Thomas enough to return at another time and to give Thomas an opportunity to believe in Him.
Those who were present at Christ's appearing went to tell Thomas that they had "seen the Lord" (John 20:25), but Thomas replied, "Unless I see the wounds from the nails in his hands, and put my finger into the wounds from the nails, and put my hand into his side, I will never believe it!" Thomas was probably just as scared as the rest of the disciples had been after Jesus' arrest and crucifixion, and he too was most likely disappointed and confused. He relied on what he could see and feel to believe. Without seeing for himself, he decided he would not believe. His eight days of disappointment and loss of faith were probably agonizing for him. Jesus could have left Thomas in that unbelieving state, but He did not. He did not have to schedule a repeat visit with the disciples to convince them of His resurrection or to give them the Holy Spirit or to reiterate His plan of sending them out to preach. However, He did return, and He came back for Thomas.
"Eight days later the disciples were again together in the house, and Thomas was with them. Although the doors were locked, Jesus came and stood among them and said, "Peace be with you!" Then he said to Thomas, "Put your finger here, and examine my hands. Extend your hand and put it into my side. Do not continue in your unbelief, but believe." Thomas replied to him, " My Lord and my God!"" John 20:26-28
Jesus cared enough about Thomas that He planned a special visit to him, appeared amidst the disciples even though the doors were locked, and went straight to Thomas and showed him the scars of the wounds that were given Him on the cross. This was evidence that demanded a verdict. When Jesus asked Thomas to believe, he responded by calling Jesus both his Lord and his God: "My Lord and my God!" More than believing that Christ was God, Thomas was saying to Jesus, "You are now also Lord of my life."
"What a divine revelation doubting Thomas had been given! He went instantly from disbelief in a resurrected Savior to certain knowledge that Jesus was not only alive but that He was also Lord and God. When confronted with the living truth, all doubts fled. The darkness of the tomb gave way to the Light of the World!"(1)
Thomas had already demonstrated his loyalty to Christ in John 11 when Jesus decided to return to Judea because He had heard that His friend Lazarus was sick. The disciples warned Jesus that He was in danger of being stoned if He returned to Judea, but Jesus decided to go anyway. Thomas replied, "Let us go too, so that we may die with him" (v. 16), indicating his loyalty to Jesus and his willingness to die with his friend rather than to be apart from him. Thomas was being a leader among the disciples and stepping up both to obey Jesus (Who had said, "Let us go to him") and to stand with Him in difficult circumstances. Jesus faced both grief, having told the disciples that his friend Lazarus had just died (v. 14), and possible death, having previously been threatened with death in Judea.
In John 14:1-8 Jesus tells us that He is "going away to make ready a place for you." Thomas had already demonstrated that he was willing to face death to be with Jesus, and he didn't understand where Jesus was "going." Thomas asked, "Lord, we don't know where you are going. How can we know the way?" Jesus responded in a way that not only answered Thomas' question but also speaks to us and to every other person who seeks to know God. "I am the way, and the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me. If you have known me, you will know my Father too." (v 6-7) Jesus made it clear to Thomas and makes it clear for us today that He is the only way to reach God.
So many of us are like Thomas --fiercely loyal to the things we can see and prove with our senses, or by the "scientific method." Yet, when faced with difficult circumstances, we sometimes doubt God and wonder if He is still there, still in control of the world, still worthy of our devotion. Thomas must have been grieving deeply over the death of Jesus and the betrayal of his friend and fellow disciple Judas after Christ's death on the cross. Whom could he trust after these losses? Why should he believe the word of his fellow disciples after they claimed to have seen Jesus? Tenderhearted, loyal Thomas was not about to be be hurt or betrayed again. So, Christ took the time to appear to Thomas personally. Because of what Christ did for Thomas, we can surmise that He takes a personal interest in each one of us as well. We have Thomas to thank for showing us loyalty to Christ and leadership among frightened friends, for asking questions of Jesus when he didn't understand, for believing in the resurrection of Christ, and for then following Him and making Him Lord of his life.
Thomas went on to demonstrate his submission to Christ by obeying His commission to preach the gospel in other places.
"Jesus did not hold Thomas' doubts against him. Instead He addressed those doubts and proved Himself to be faithful to the man He had called as one of His chosen. Christ then empowered Thomas to accomplish the tasks He set before him. Thomas is believed to have become the only apostle who went outside the Roman Empire to preach and teach the gospel. He also crossed the largest area which included Persia and India. Tradition tells us that he was a Martyr and was killed by a group of sages near Mylapore about 72 AD when he was thrown into a pit and pierced by a spear." (2)
1. http://www.helium.com/items/1519758-doubting-thomas
2. http://www.helium.com/items/1519758-doubting-thomas?page=2
Sunday, October 2, 2011
#20 A Broken Rose--A Birthday Song
Today is my birthday, and as birthdays go, it's been memorable. My birthday season started out a couple of weeks ago with me coming down with bronchitis. I have missed work, a concert, and some meetings, and I've coughed my way through several patient interviews. But, I am finally (cough, cough) on the mend, having passed the evil bug on to both my husband and my daughter.
In the days leading up to my birthday, my husband helped me to find the ideal purse as my birthday gift. The camel-colored leather bag, with its tassels and pockets, arrived last week, to my delight, and I have already filled it. David did a great job of sleuthing to get it just right.
Buying a purse has become, for me, quite a challenge. It has to be long enough to hold my cane when it's folded and still have space for the usual wallet and cosmetic bag. Plus, I carry two cell phones--one for personal use and one reserved just for patients--and my prescription pad and pens, a flashlight, my pocket calendar, identification badges, and the list goes on. The bag can get pretty heavy. Additionally, I need help finding a good color. Last year I found a lovely, chocolate bag at a reasonable price and proudly carried it for a couple of months before I went to see my son for a visit. When he opened the door for me as we were leaving to go out to dinner, he noticed my bag and exclaimed, aghast, "Mom, what are you doing carrying a purple handbag?!" I, too, was aghast. To me it looked brown! I wondered if people might think I am becoming more daring as I get older, or maybe a little odd. I was carrying purple with everything!
My mistake with the purse selection brought to mind the poem, "When I Am an Old Woman, I Shall Wear Purple"(see below). I like the poem, but if I am going to wear purple, I want it to be because I choose it, knowing that it is purple!
My birthday week was a bit lonely with my daughter gone on her senior trip and no hope of my adult children coming home for a visit. I approached the weekend with anticipation, however, because I was going to see old friends on Friday. I attended a gleeful gathering of some of my former classmates--all girls from Lee High School in Midland. We had a marvelous time catching up with each other and talking about families, trials, and triumphs. As women of a certain age, we no longer care about the various cliques and prejudices we had in high school; we just love each other and enjoy the camaraderie.
As the evening waned, and the stars came out, I found that I was stuck out on the covered patio, out in the middle of the large back yard in the dark, with no cane or flashlight to get me back to the house. I hadn't really talked much about my visual handicap, didn't want to call attention to it, and hadn't even brought my cane out yet in their presence. (I really don't like my problem to be the topic of conversation if I can help it.) As I attempted to pick my way through the darkness back to the house, the girls ordered me back to the patio and surprised me with a party! They paraded from the house all in a line carrying gifts, tooting horns, wearing silly glasses and fake noses, and bearing cake! My cupcake sported a singing candle (thank goodness they lit only one!), and the presents and cards were both wonderful and hilarious.
It's been a long time since I had a birthday party, and this one was a blast-- full of belly laughs, giggles, guffaws, and even a few tears. They assisted me back to the house after our rowdy revelry. None of us cared about anyone's deficits. We just appreciated our benefits! Thanks, girlfriends. You gave me some new smile lines!
I even went to bed last night smiling-- from the memory of the party and because of the arrival of my first birthday greeting, four seconds after midnight, from my niece. I awoke this morning contented--ready to get out of bed, eager to get dressed for church, and glad to be able to go to the house of the Lord after being sick for two weeks with bronchitis. None of my children were home for my birthday breakfast, but I had a dear husband to greet me when I came into the kitchen.
And greet me he did! David was making tea for me and had placed a bouquet of roses and a sweet card on the kitchen table. How beautiful! I was able to enjoy my tea and roses and set about arranging the flowers while David took his shower. Among the dozen fragrant, long-stemmed, multicolored roses was one red one with a broken stem halfway down the shaft. With only a moment of sadness for the broken rose, I trimmed it and put it in a bud vase by itself. Perfect. A single rose in a cut-glass vase, placed on my bathroom vanity to remind me of my husband's love. The rest I arranged in a large red vase for the kitchen table--roses for two places in the house, instead of one!
Once my husband was ready, he accompanied me to church. I read my card as we rode in the church bus from the parking lot to the Worship Center and, as a result, messed up my mascara! He's a good card picker. I had to read it twice to soak up the precious words and sentiment. Life is good. But, it's better lived with one's soulmate.
I learned in Bible study class today that the sermon is posted on the You Version Bible phone app each Sunday, and I previewed the sermon notes. I was excited that the pastor planned to speak on the topic, "What's In a Name?" His scripture references were cited as Isaiah 62:2-4 and Revelation 2:17. The second is one of my favorites:
Fortunately, David is okay, if an outbreak of shingles can be considered "okay," and we are now at home enjoying the rest of our afternoon and evening--grateful that we have each other and our family, grateful that he didn't have a cardiac arrest. He missed the Cowboy game, but he doesn't seem to mind. I missed the sermon and the singing, but that's okay too. David has a good perspective on this, I think. He says, matter of factly, "It's just the shingles again. If I have to choose between the shingles or a heart attack, I'll take the shingles!"
My senior daughter came home and presented me with a lovely necklace she bought for me while visiting Taos Pueblo. And, one of my adult children called and sang "Happy Birthday." Not bad.
Some might say that my birthday was a not-so-good day, but I don't see it that way. I choose to see it differently--in a different light. Bronchitis and a broken rose and my husband having a potential heart attack didn't darken my day. In fact, it turned out just "rosy".
Warning - When I Am an Old Woman I Shall Wear Purple
By Jenny Joseph
In the days leading up to my birthday, my husband helped me to find the ideal purse as my birthday gift. The camel-colored leather bag, with its tassels and pockets, arrived last week, to my delight, and I have already filled it. David did a great job of sleuthing to get it just right.
Buying a purse has become, for me, quite a challenge. It has to be long enough to hold my cane when it's folded and still have space for the usual wallet and cosmetic bag. Plus, I carry two cell phones--one for personal use and one reserved just for patients--and my prescription pad and pens, a flashlight, my pocket calendar, identification badges, and the list goes on. The bag can get pretty heavy. Additionally, I need help finding a good color. Last year I found a lovely, chocolate bag at a reasonable price and proudly carried it for a couple of months before I went to see my son for a visit. When he opened the door for me as we were leaving to go out to dinner, he noticed my bag and exclaimed, aghast, "Mom, what are you doing carrying a purple handbag?!" I, too, was aghast. To me it looked brown! I wondered if people might think I am becoming more daring as I get older, or maybe a little odd. I was carrying purple with everything!
My mistake with the purse selection brought to mind the poem, "When I Am an Old Woman, I Shall Wear Purple"(see below). I like the poem, but if I am going to wear purple, I want it to be because I choose it, knowing that it is purple!
My birthday week was a bit lonely with my daughter gone on her senior trip and no hope of my adult children coming home for a visit. I approached the weekend with anticipation, however, because I was going to see old friends on Friday. I attended a gleeful gathering of some of my former classmates--all girls from Lee High School in Midland. We had a marvelous time catching up with each other and talking about families, trials, and triumphs. As women of a certain age, we no longer care about the various cliques and prejudices we had in high school; we just love each other and enjoy the camaraderie.
As the evening waned, and the stars came out, I found that I was stuck out on the covered patio, out in the middle of the large back yard in the dark, with no cane or flashlight to get me back to the house. I hadn't really talked much about my visual handicap, didn't want to call attention to it, and hadn't even brought my cane out yet in their presence. (I really don't like my problem to be the topic of conversation if I can help it.) As I attempted to pick my way through the darkness back to the house, the girls ordered me back to the patio and surprised me with a party! They paraded from the house all in a line carrying gifts, tooting horns, wearing silly glasses and fake noses, and bearing cake! My cupcake sported a singing candle (thank goodness they lit only one!), and the presents and cards were both wonderful and hilarious.
It's been a long time since I had a birthday party, and this one was a blast-- full of belly laughs, giggles, guffaws, and even a few tears. They assisted me back to the house after our rowdy revelry. None of us cared about anyone's deficits. We just appreciated our benefits! Thanks, girlfriends. You gave me some new smile lines!
I even went to bed last night smiling-- from the memory of the party and because of the arrival of my first birthday greeting, four seconds after midnight, from my niece. I awoke this morning contented--ready to get out of bed, eager to get dressed for church, and glad to be able to go to the house of the Lord after being sick for two weeks with bronchitis. None of my children were home for my birthday breakfast, but I had a dear husband to greet me when I came into the kitchen.
And greet me he did! David was making tea for me and had placed a bouquet of roses and a sweet card on the kitchen table. How beautiful! I was able to enjoy my tea and roses and set about arranging the flowers while David took his shower. Among the dozen fragrant, long-stemmed, multicolored roses was one red one with a broken stem halfway down the shaft. With only a moment of sadness for the broken rose, I trimmed it and put it in a bud vase by itself. Perfect. A single rose in a cut-glass vase, placed on my bathroom vanity to remind me of my husband's love. The rest I arranged in a large red vase for the kitchen table--roses for two places in the house, instead of one!
 |
| birthday roses and cupcakes |
I learned in Bible study class today that the sermon is posted on the You Version Bible phone app each Sunday, and I previewed the sermon notes. I was excited that the pastor planned to speak on the topic, "What's In a Name?" His scripture references were cited as Isaiah 62:2-4 and Revelation 2:17. The second is one of my favorites:
17 "Whoever has ears, let them hear what the Spirit says to the churches. To the one who is victorious, I will give some of the hidden manna. I will also give that person a white stone with a new name written on it, known only to the one who receives it."
Revelation 2:17 New International Version (NIV)
It excites me to know that God has a new name for each of His children, for us who love the Lord. He takes what is ruined and makes it new. He mends broken vessels and makes them whole again. He turns ugly into beautiful. He gives us a new name that more accurately describes who we are in Him instead of who we were.
One of my favorite songs about this principle is sung by Gwen Smith in the video, "Broken Into Beautiful":
After class I donned my choir robe and joined the rest of the choir in the rehearsal room for worship. But, I was not to sing in worship this morning or hear the sermon. Just as we were leaving the choir room, my husband came in looking for me with a worried look on his face. He was having chest pain. Our church friends helped me get out of my choir robe and retrieve my things, offered to call an ambulance, looked for aspirin, sat with David while I went to get the car, and even offered to go with us to the hospital. Revelation 2:17 New International Version (NIV)
It excites me to know that God has a new name for each of His children, for us who love the Lord. He takes what is ruined and makes it new. He mends broken vessels and makes them whole again. He turns ugly into beautiful. He gives us a new name that more accurately describes who we are in Him instead of who we were.
One of my favorite songs about this principle is sung by Gwen Smith in the video, "Broken Into Beautiful":
Fortunately, David is okay, if an outbreak of shingles can be considered "okay," and we are now at home enjoying the rest of our afternoon and evening--grateful that we have each other and our family, grateful that he didn't have a cardiac arrest. He missed the Cowboy game, but he doesn't seem to mind. I missed the sermon and the singing, but that's okay too. David has a good perspective on this, I think. He says, matter of factly, "It's just the shingles again. If I have to choose between the shingles or a heart attack, I'll take the shingles!"
My senior daughter came home and presented me with a lovely necklace she bought for me while visiting Taos Pueblo. And, one of my adult children called and sang "Happy Birthday." Not bad.
Some might say that my birthday was a not-so-good day, but I don't see it that way. I choose to see it differently--in a different light. Bronchitis and a broken rose and my husband having a potential heart attack didn't darken my day. In fact, it turned out just "rosy".
Warning - When I Am an Old Woman I Shall Wear Purple
By Jenny Joseph
When I am an old woman, I shall wear purple
with a red hat that doesn't go, and doesn't suit me.
And I shall spend my pension on brandy and summer gloves
and satin candles, and say we've no money for butter.
I shall sit down on the pavement when I am tired
and gobble up samples in shops and press alarm bells
and run my stick along the public railings
and make up for the sobriety of my youth.
I shall go out in my slippers in the rain
and pick the flowers in other people's gardens
and learn to spit.
You can wear terrible shirts and grow more fat
and eat three pounds of sausages at a go
or only bread and pickles for a week
and hoard pens and pencils and beer nuts and things in boxes.
But now we must have clothes that keep us dry
and pay our rent and not swear in the street
and set a good example for the children.
We must have friends to dinner and read the papers.
But maybe I ought to practice a little now?
So people who know me are not too shocked and surprised
When suddenly I am old, and start to wear purple.
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